Have you ever looked at your life and wanted something more? Something different?
Not in a "identity" way. I mean in a good way. Like I want my kids to have a more stable mom. A mom who has fun. A mom who takes the time to play and read. A mom who is gentle and kind.
I want my husband to have a wife that is not constantly trying to take control. Not constantly trying to get her way. A wife who is more helpful and sweet. Encouraging.
I want a home that is more organized and efficient. A home where the laundry does not pile up and smoosh a passing toddler. :) A home that is welcoming and safe for all who enter it's door. A home my family and I want to be at.
I want a life more filled with simplicity and quietness. Not the quietness that comes from not having five beautiful blessings making our home joyful. But a peaceful kind of quiet. One that you can rest in and be recharged.
I want to be able to provide better for my family. I want to garden and shop frugally. I want to sew. I want to sit around at night with a project to keep my hands busy.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I am uptight sometimes. I am a control freak. I am a perfectionist. I am a bit of a sluggard. I am angry... a lot. My daily prayer journal records many, many, many prayers asking God to replace the bad in me with good. I beg and cry out to replace my uptightness with a calm and peaceful spirit. My controlling ways with faith and hope. My perfectionism with grace and mercy. My laziness with motivation and creativity. My anger with love, joy and laughter.
I know that He is working on me. I do see some improvement. I know that God has to do some surgery on me and take out the bad to make way for the good. I have grand ideas and goals. I think most of them are straight from the Father. I just need to sit back and let Him work in His time. Ahh.. the control thing again.
He has given Dh and I a real heart and vision for our family. We have so many desires and such a short time to work them out. I have had to let go of my perfect little family vision and embrace the family vision God has allowed us. One with children who try us everyday. Hurting children with scars from their past that we have to help heal. Children who were born sinners and need love and guidance. A safe place. BOUNDARIES!
As the time draws shorter and shorter we need to focus on the godly things instilled in our children. Godly parents who love God more each day and share that with their children. A mother who sets the example of God's love by guarding and keeping the home. Keeping it safe and welcoming. Keeping the evil out. Filling every nook and cranny with the love of Jesus Christ. The grace of God. The voice of the Holy Spirit.
Education that does not hinder their walk with Christ or their parents. I need to let go of some of my standards and ideals when it comes to school work. I need to not make my children miserable (or myself for that matter) every day at school time. I need to focus on the younger children a bit more. Reading with them. Teaching them to read. I need to focus more on real life stuff with my older girls. The Bible! Applying it's principles. Math is of great importance. Language Arts is of great importance. BUT the Bible needs to be the foundation they are building on. Proverbs 1:7, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction."
Proverbs 2:6, "For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding."
Proverbs 9:10, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding."
I am the mother of this home. The wife of this home. The keeper of this home. Attitudes start and stop with me each day! I need to let God work in my life. Not hold onto things so tightly.
Please pray for me. I am going to open up to the Lord more this week. I am going to ask Him more earnestly to refine me. He has given me a lot to think on. A lot to ponder. Apart from Him I can do nothing.
Be Blessed!!
We are all a work in progress, but remember that "there is no self-condemnation in Christ". He loves you and sees you as His perfect creation. He sees you from the end. He is the Author and the Finisher. Your recognition is the first step to making all His dreams come true.
ReplyDeleteOoooooo, remember where there is refining, there is fire!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to everything you wrote. I was described as "wound tight" once and it really made me step back and look at myself. I didn't like it. Raising children like ours makes it difficult to relax...we are always waiting for the next shoe to drop. Well I can to the conclusion that it is gonna drop anyway, so I don't look for it ahead of time. Your post on your Wednesday devotion time was so inspiring to me. I bought Charlotte a binder, and I am going to the scrapbooking store to buy her some stickers and paper. Tuesday is her birthday but we are celebrating today. Though she will get her big gifts then, I am giving her the scrapbooking stuff as a gift after dinner. We will start our study on Monday.
Thank you for sharing your heart....I know from experience it is not easy to put your self out there!!! ((((hugs))))
Hi,
ReplyDeleteA great post!I think we(mom's) feels the same way in the yrs. of parenting.I admire you for sharing your heart, but Please know you are not alone!
Have a great day!
Blessins',Lib
I love your post. It is so open and honest and warm. Since my children are older sometimes (actually many times)people question my choice not to reenter the workforce. I love being a full time stay at home wife and mom now. I have been the working mom, the work at home mom and now just full time Super Domestic Engineer. :-) Thanks for visiting my blog too. I am very new to the blog world. As you saw I only have a couple days worth of posts. Anyway it does seem strange to put your thoughts out there in cyberworld. Part of me wants to be less anonymous, another part of my brain says be careful not to put too much personal info out there. Anyway I figured it was ok to put up some family photos. Since I talked so much about my family the other day. I found your site the other day when I was doing a search on homemaking, organizing and making a home binder.It looks like you have been blogging for a long time. I saw you adopted your children. That is so wonderful A friend of mine just adopted a little 8 yr old girl. Sad story the little girl's mom had committed suicide and the dad didn't want anything to do with her and gave up his rights. She met the little girl in the children's home where her son's scout troop was doing a service project. They were painting murals on the walls. Anyway You have a lovely family. I didn't mean to ramble on so much. Have an awesome, relaxing, blessed Sunday. Deeny
ReplyDeleteGod will so totally be with you when you ask Him to guide you. He's probably going to do something AMAZING with you.
ReplyDeleteWatch out, you're in for a ride! :)
OOOhhh! I just found your blog through Preschoolers and Peace and when I read this:
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you a little about myself. I am uptight sometimes. I am a control freak. I am a perfectionist. I am a bit of a sluggard. I am angry... a lot. My daily prayer journal records many, many, many prayers asking God to replace the bad in me with good. I beg and cry out to replace my uptightness with a calm and peaceful spirit. My controlling ways with faith and hope. My perfectionism with grace and mercy. My laziness with motivation and creativity. My anger with love, joy and laughter.
I just knew I'm going to be here quite often, because those could be my words, but you said it so much better.
Here's to refinement as only the Refiner and His fire can do it!
You know, I'm embarrassed to say that I can't remember how I found your blog! But I just wanted to comment and say that the way you described yourself is pretty much how I would've described myself, too, several years ago.
ReplyDeleteGod has done a mighty work in me, and I know He will do one in you as well.
One thing I have tried to focus on is praising and thanking God for all the blessings. When my attitude is bad, it takes a lot of submitting myself to God in order to honestly praise Him.
If I can do that, it helps my attitude be right about just about everything else that I would consider "wrong" in my life at the time.
So, praising Him is a good place to keep the change happening from the old to the new. Fortunately, we can do that praising with awesome music and hymns and that is just WAY fun to do - especially with the kiddos!
Btw, we adopted too. Feel free to visit my blog. Thank you for this heartfelt post.
www.xanga.com/akconklin
Alesha
'I want a life more filled with simplicity and quietness. Not the quietness that comes from not having five beautiful blessings making our home joyful. But a peaceful kind of quiet. One that you can rest in and be recharged.'
ReplyDeleteI love this, don't all mothers want this?
Many blessings...