Overwhelmed

With the weeks going by so quickly (hello, April? April? Where did you go?) and the approach of my baby's birthday even closer I have thought back on the past few months a lot. Mainly because it has been such a time of mixed emotions for me. Joy, rapture, anticipation, worry, anxiety, overwhelmingness, doubt, fear....

Ever since that day on Christmas Eve I have wondered if I will truly hold this baby. Even now as she does flips and turns and all sorts of other gymnastics I have had the doubt. I don't know if it's the fact that I have waited so long for this, the early complications, or the hormones.

I go twice a week now for NSTs (non stress tests to monitor baby's movement and heartrate) and once a week for a quick scan to make sure fluid level, placenta, and baby movement are still good. This has offered some reassurance.

But really, where should all of my reassurance be coming from? Why is it so hard to believe that God will take care of my baby and me? Why do I struggle every day with opening my Bible? Why do I struggle with even talking to God? When I need Him so much I feel like I am just distancing myself more and more everyday! I do pick up my Bible in hopes that today will be the day that I can truly lay it all down at His feet and walk away. I do commune with Him through prayer. Though I feel like sometimes all I do is ask, ask, ask.

It's been a tough season. One that I am looking forward to looking back on and seeing the lessons I learned.

Be Blessed!

What's a girl to eat?

Not much going on there right now. I am having this weird craving for bite sized frosted mini wheat cereal. It's insane. I can not eat brown rice. Most of the time I can't eat poultry unless the flavor is HIGHLY disguised. Eggs are also a food I have had to force on myself.
Because of dietary restrictions pasta, chips, and potatoes are pretty much off the table.
So, to recap, no bird, no brown rice, no pasta, no potatoes, no tortillas, no tortilla chips.
What's a girl to do??
Meatloaf. Lots of meatloaf. Turnips instead of potatoes. Lots of veggies.
PB on whole grain bread. Cheese on whole grain bread. Salads. OH my how I love salad right now. Tomatoes. OH my I LOVE tomatoes right now.
And, sigh, frozen dinners. Yep. I have been eating those nasty frozen dinners from WW and Lean Cuisine.
I had to give up my diversion to lunch meat. Yes, I know about Liseteria. I also know that I have to be able to eat something! PLEASE! My OB told me to eat the lunch meat. It might have had to do with the tears being shed in his office that day. I am a hungry girl. :)
The good news is if I could just hold to a lot of this diet, minus the nasty processed junk, I really think I would see a difference in my weight post baby.
I gained 10 pounds during my first two trimesters. In this third trimester I have fluctuated between one and two pounds gainage. My baby gained two pounds the same time I did, coincidence? :)
As a big girl those numbers are not too low, just so ya know. Can you imagine if I get to the end of this pregnancy having gained only 12-15 pounds? I would be ecstatic! Not because weight it important to me, but health is.

Be Blessed!

A New Journey

So yesterday I stepped into a new phase in life. The mom of a 13yo daughter. Yeah, I have no idea what I'm doing. LOL Then I thought I had no idea what was doing five years ago when she came to live with me. We have survived thus far.

She's a special girl. A hard start to life for her, but she has come so far. Don't ever tell her she is a victim she would scoff at you. She looks forward to running her own home and having a family one day. She has gotten a little short changed this year because her BIG birthday fell right in the middle of a time of overwhelmingness for me. When we talked about her tea party that she was supposed to have she readily agreed to wait until August when I would be better able to plan it. She is getting so mature. She is going tomorrow or Thursday to get her birthday present. She's getting a netbook.

A few years from now she will be of an age to wander to her own little nest. Instead of treating these next few years as wild party do what you want years we will be focusing on training her to be a godly woman. We decided when we first became parents that we would not have "teenagers" in our home. We would have young adults. Believe it or not she loves that phrase. She loves being considered a young adult and not a teenager. To the point that I had to correct her from correcting adults when they called her a teenager. I did it with a smile, of course. LOL

Be Blessed!

Craziness

This nesting thing is going to drive me CRAZY! No lie. I'm in the middle of reorganizing and cleaning up my bathroom. Every time I walk in there I want to scream! Because of tiredness, five children, a cold, aches and pains... I have been at this project for over a week. In a few minutes while the kids are taking showers and finishing up evening routines I will go in there and finish. One week on one small bathroom! Then! Then! I want to cutie pie it up some! Really?? Really? Is there time for that mess? LOL

In a few short weeks I am bringing a brand new person into this house. Into my bedroom. My bedroom? The bedroom with dusty walls painted a color I once loved, but now (just in the past few months so we are blaming it on baby hormones) can't stand! Really? Into a bedroom where the clutter comes to rest. I really want it to be cute. Heck, I want it to be clean and organized but my heart is longing for cute.

Dare I mention the nesting instinct that has me wanting to redo the kids bedrooms, the kitchen, the garden..... dare I? Do you think I could bottle some of this up and carry it into the future? A future where every bend and squat does not bring some tinge of pain? A future where I don't get exhausted just thinking about wiping the bathroom counters down? I love the nesting motivation it's just the timing that stinks. LOL

Lest, you think I am complaining too much I would like to say most of this post is tongue in cheek. I am saying it with a wistful smile and a giggle. Yes, it's frustrating. But it's also new to me and kind of fun. I'm enjoying most of the pregnancy stuff. Even the aches and pains are welcome because it means that my body is doing something new and different. Growing a person. We have not tried that before. :)

Also I am reaching out to some mom who thinks she has to do it all. Homeschool the kids, keep the house clean and organized and decorated, cook full meals, and grow a person. Sometimes we have to throw our hands up and say.. not today. And sometimes we have to take one week to do a project that should only take about two hours. :)

It's an obsession

I am obsessed with pink right now. No kidding. Pink! And if it's pink and polka-dotty.. BE STILL MY HEART! It's quiet pathetic really. Growing up I was not a girly girl. NOT A LITTLE BIT! But now as the mommy of girls... I love pink!

On my registry I even declared that Miss Lily's favorite color is pink. This poor child. She will be in pink until she is at least five. I can already see it. Seriously. It's an addiction. I need help!!

Thankfully my girls are ok with pink. They don't really wear it but they don't oppose it either. I hate seeing their tastes emerge.. LOL Just kidding. I love seeing their tastes emerge. But it does seem the girlier I get the girlier they are not. I think it's an act of rebellion. :)

Anyways, since I don't know what to write about I thought I would share my passion for pink. I'm sure you all are glad you clicked on this blog today. I'm sure you had NOTHING better to do then to read about the scary pink lady. I promise to one day be back to my old stir the pot, troublemaking self. Someday. Maybe. :)

Be Blessed!

Where am I?

I don't know what is up with all the bloggy breaks. I have just not had much to write about. Well, or wanted to write about. LOL We had a great weekend with friends over Easter. They have a big yard and my kids played outside ALL DAY! Oh yeah. I am so moving out of this subdivision. Look for the moving sign after Lily is born. :)

I am experimenting with couponing. I did pretty good but then my perfectionism kicked in and I have stalled. What is up with that? I am going to work on it some today and hit some stores tomorrow I think. The first time was a lot of fun and I look forward to getting better at it.

Miss Lily seems to be doing well. I have another ultrasound next week. In May I go weekly for scans and Non Stress Tests. We are hoping to sneak out of town at the end of May and stay in my mom's condo in Orlando. The Florida homeschool convention is that weekend so we might head to that while we are there. I have always wanted to go and check it out.

Well that's about all I have.

Be Blessed!