About a year ago I had a conversation with some ladies that resulted in me being defensive and flustered. I realized then that I'd better convince myself that what we have planned for our children is the best. Thankfully I'd gotten my husband a book for Christmas called Family Driven Faith. By now most of you should have figured out my deep respect and admiration for Voddie Baucham the author of that book. The book really helped me get a handle on the "why" of our convictions.
You see, we have decided that no matter how mainstream it is our kids will not be in the youth group. It was not an easy decision. It is one we prayed over and researched to the end. Youth groups just don't line up with the values and visions we have chosen for our family.One of our goals is to raise our children to be biblical men and women. When my son is an adult I want him to act like an adult. We tell our kids that when they hit thirteen they become young ladies and young men. Implying that they are turning into ladies and men, not just overgrown teenagers.
I have heard all of the reasons why this is a dumb decision. Surely, my kids are going to rebel. Yeah. I can count on one, maybe almost two hands all the kids still in church and faithful to their walk with Christ that were in my youth group. Somehow I don't really think kids not being in youth group is why they rebel.
I think that when we neglect teaching kids straight from God's word right from wrong, the law seasoned with grace that we start the downward spiral. When we teach our kids that they have to be entertained every time they learn about God we err. Learning about God can be fun, but life serving God may not always be fun. Joyful and abundant, sure. But not always fun.
But it's our decision. I brought it to Dh and he prayed over it and read all the research I accumulated. We read Family Driven Faith with tears in our eyes. Yes, it can be done and needs to be according to Rev. Baucham. Just because someone does not agree with our decision does not make it wrong.
I have a friend who did not let her child eat anything with sugar as a baby. People disagreed with that decision, but it did not make it wrong. Some people don't let their kids watch certain movies or television programs. Others might not agree with that decision, but it does not make it wrong.
Proverbs is full of admonitions to listen to your mother and father and heed their wise council. If we put them under someone else's authority then we give that person the right to change our values and goals for our family.
My oldest is in fourth grade. In just two short years we will have to face the music. We will have to stand up and answer the tough questions. It's ok. Dh is strong. Whoever comes against us will have to have good biblical doctrine for why we HAVE to put our kids in the youth group. I don't think it's there.
If we are going to believe the Bible is God's infallible word to man then we have to accept the whole Bible. We can't pick and choose which part we think is good and toss the rest out as being cultural.
How refreshing to read that other people feel like this too! WE are to teach our children. And by letting them be involved in a youth group we feel they would be learning from other youth. Hmm..youth teaching youth? Doesn't sound too biblical (or wise) to me. I have respect for those who lead youth groups. It's a tough job. Probably because it is the parents job. I've seen it too many times. A youth gets sent to a youth group and the family bond is cracked. The youth becomes more attached to the other youth and their youth leader than the family. It breaks my heart. Keep encouraged! And know that others feel the same way too!
ReplyDeleteWe have chosen the same thing. Our children sit with us in church and they only go to "youth" activities that we can be directly involved in.
ReplyDeleteI think we are going to get along great on vacation this year!!!
Love ya!
We don't have a youth group on our church.......but we DO have lots of youth!
ReplyDeleteAnd, you do need to think of a reply when people ask you why. We totally agree with you on this matter and I still don't know if there is a good reply because people will NOT understand. They can't imagine it any other way....just as in homeschooling. People will take it personally.....so be prepared.
Why? would you want to keep your kids at home all day, all year, then keep them in church with you all the time....on top of it?
This might work.......the kids 'have' youth leaders. dad and mom
:)
I am excited to read more of these families blogs, because, I just assumed we'd send them to youth group, but never thought it was something we really needed to think about.... good thing we have 5 or so years to really pray, think, research, and decide on this....
ReplyDeleteThanks for putting this out there, I guess I would never have realized I could say no.
Donna, I am not saying who is right or wrong. I just know that this is where we stand on the issue. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm a little nervous about when they get older. We have already started talking to our 4th grader about how sometimes we have to make the hard decisions. She is learning that we do not just follow the crowd and do what everyone else is doing.
Rachelle, that is pretty much what we think as well. As far as friends and courting. Someone is going to influence your kids, might as well be you, right?
dotblogger, thanks. I don't expect everyone to make the same decisions we make with our children. We have to do what we think is right though. :)
MM3, I'm glad that we can finally agree on something... ;) J/K
We talk with our kids quiet a bit about the whys of our decisions. I think it helps to show them the big picture.
Amanda, thanks for the encouragement. I don't know if I have seen you around here before. Thanks for stopping by. It is encouraging to know we are not alone! :)
Lori, lol! I think we will get along well too. My kids also sit with us in church.
Ruth, thanks for the encouragement. It means a lot!
Mobunny, I can't tell you how much your words mean to me. You have great kids and I love reading how you raised/are raising them. I love reading about your church. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Donna, I never realized you could say no either. It was a shock to my little Southern Baptist heart to think my kids could learn just as well from thier dad and I. I am so thankful for other families who are not afraid to set the example. :)
Excellent post.
ReplyDeleteWe also agreed with this philosophy. We prayed and prayed as to what to do when our children got "of age." We were already major outcasts for homeschooling, and there was only so much more we could take.
As it turned out, during my children's high school years, there was no youth group. No one took up the job to run it! God is good. We wouldn't have let them go anyway, but it was sigh on relief.
What a difference it made. When my daughter wanted to do a missions trip later in her high school career, she got accepted for a 10 week trip to an inner city mission. It wasn't fun and immature games, her faith had to be solid and mature to be accepted.
It didn;t have the mentality of what can Jesus do for me, which I believe most youth groups run on, but what can I do for Jesus. Which is often learned at the family hearth.