Prayer Request

I feel a serious burden right now... I dont know if its my longing or if its the Lord calling me to it, but I really wanted to share something with you all as well as have a written reminder of it in the coming years.
Let me start by explaining something. I have had all of my kids names picked out for years. I knew their names in the order I would use them. So far I have not gotten to use any of them. About a year before we found out about Jonathan God gave me his name. I told my husband if we have a baby boy anytime I think a good name would be Jonathan David. When we found out that we were going to be getting a baby boy I tried to use two or three of the different names I had picked out so long ago, but I kept coming back to Jonathan David. So now, I have my Jonathan David. A few months ago I was really praying hard about having a baby. I so want more kids and I pray that one day I will have more. During my prayer time I caught a name. I shrugged it off until later when I remembered getting Jonathan's name the same way. Then I started to think about it. I went to hubby and asked for his discernment. He was not sure but he has always thought God would give us our own baby.
I dont know when or even how, but one day I will have a baby named Nathaniel Gideon. I believe that with my whole heart. It could be months or years. He could come from my womb or through adoption.
My prayer request is this, please remember us in the coming months/years. I have felt so burdened today to share this with others and to pray about it. I want this baby so badly. Its weird but I feel the same way I felt right before Jonathan was born. I was excited but apprehensive. I did not want to get my hopes up, but I could not keep them down either. I am praying about it constantly today. I finally told God that I thought this was a promise He'd given me and that I would believe on it, but that only time would tell. I dont know why Nathaniel has been on my heart and mind so much today. I dont know if its just the longing I feel or if its truly God reaching down and placing the burden on my heart.
Just so you know, I never even thought of the name Nathaniel Gideon when I was naming all of my imaginary children.
I fail so much as a mom everyday. I cant believe that God would actually entrust another one of his precious little people to me. I dont know why He would. I see the improvements in my life and I know I am growing and changing and one day I may be at a place in my life where my children will rise up and call me blessed, but I am no where near that now. I yell at my children, I discipline in anger, Im too controlling, I dont smile and play with them enough, we dont have a routine, I get too busy for them.... see how much I stink?
This was really hard to share. I told Roy and my mom and one or two other people my thoughts but did not want to advertise the promise because I was not, still am not, 100% sure about it. Does that make sense? Its one of those things you want to hide and then when/if it happens you tell everyone about it. Maybe God has laid it on my heart to share with complete strangers so that His glory will be revealed when it happens? I wish I was stronger in my faith.
Please pray for me when you think about it.

Be Blessed!