One of my children has been having a lot of trouble finishing her schoolwork. The deal was when dance started if she was not caught up with schoolwork she would not dance. She missed one dance class in June. The first one. She made the rest by the skin of her teethe, literally, just to repeat the process again the next week. I was tired of the fighting and the arguing. So, when this week rolled around as a "Star" week, with nothing planned, I told her if her school work was not all caught up by 3pm Friday she would not dance the rest of the year.
Today at 3:05pm, I had to take away dance class from my little girl. I had to do this so she would learn self discipline and responsibility. She made some really bad choices this week, that resulted in her not being even half way done with her schoolwork that she was behind in. The hardest thing was sitting back and letting her make those choices. I knew how it would end. I tried to discuss the options with her, but her mind was made up. She choose a few hours of playing (actually just wondering around the house being bored) to working on school work. There were a few other choices she made also along those lines, but you get the picture.
I dont have a lot of compassion. I really stink at kissing boo-boos and understanding why thunder scares. But I felt such empathy for my baby today as I took away those dance classes. I know it has to be done, but Lord, its hard.
Being a mom is hard. Some days it really stinks.
ReplyDeleteI used to take away important things like that. But in our case, I found that it doesn't work. In the case our one son, it generally backfired and spawned worse behavior.
With school work, I've found the best thing for getting it done is to simply have everyone at the table, give everyone breaks at X time and "Mom's done teaching at noon. If you don't have your work done, sorry you'll have to figure it out yourself." You don't leave unless you're done. Period. The possibility of still there all day with no help doesn't appeal to them, so they get it finished... asap.
I also used to say, "If we get x & y & z done, we'll xxx." Someone would slack. I find it much more effective to say, "We're going xxx. Whoever doesn't help will sit in the van (if it is within eyeshot of me or with me or some other unpleasant non-participatory thing) while the rest of us yyy." Amazing how fast the attitude changes...
Hi Julie,
ReplyDeleteOkay...from a grown ups perspective, who had parents that never made me do anything (consistently) as a child. Please stick with this! You are teaching her a very very valuable lesson. To do things because you need too, to do it to the best of your ability regardless and the concept of consequences/choices. I have struggled in my life to learn those concepts as an adult. I SO wish my parents had taught me that as a child.
You are doing awesome! Believe me, she will appreciate your attention to her discipline and love later...probably much later.
Take care,
Leigh