All of that has been... trying. I spent Monday pouring my heart out to Him and basically asking Him to slow down a little. Then I spent Tuesday telling Him that I was wrong. He can move at whatever pace He deems necessary. Wednesday I decided that His pace was going to kill me. By today I was a.. basket case. LOL (It has a little bit to do with hormones right now.. IM SURE!)
The first few weeks of this month have been ROUGH. In a good way, I guess. In an, "Ok, watch what I can do in your life!" way. Around me marriages are falling apart. I have held grown women in my arms who I could literally feel their hearts breaking. Mine broke too. Other families I am close to are dealing with troubles. My kids are really showing some of their deep seeded behavior issues. Our finances are.. wacky! Our van is trying to warn us not so subtly that it won't be around forever. "Guys! I'm almost 12 years old and I'm your only vehicle. That's a lot of work," says the van. Dave Ramsey is reminding us we need a thousand dollar emergency fund, yesterday. My husband works in an office full of women. He is miserable. I have a friend dealing with health issues that are just breaking her. I cried Tuesday. I cried for our nation. I cried for my kids. I watched the helicopter with President Bush fly away and then watched President Obama sit behind the desk and I welled up a little. The list could go on. And that's just from this year. I'm thinking of crawling back into bed until 2010.
But the big picture here is God's providence. He knows whats going on. He sees. As I held a friend who was hurting recently I prayed out loud. "God You see our hurt, and You hurt so much more for us." I have to remember that. God does not have plans to harm us. He only wants the best for us.
It's hard though. You see your only means of transportation slipping away and you are not in a place where you can replace it. You see the floors that would allow you to open your home again for friends and family slip away for the third year in a row and you want to ask, "Why?" You watch your husband get mangled every day at work. And you cry. God knows. Maybe we won't know anytime soon what the purpose is. Maybe it's just a test of our faith. It's hard though.
I'm so tired. By nature I am not a crier, but this week alone I have had nothing but tears it feels like. God is calling on me to focus on Him, trust Him, and die to myself. I'm trying, God. I'm really trying!
Julie,
ReplyDeleteYour post just about brought *me* to tears (but I *am* pregnant). I have been or am currently, in so many of those same situations. It can be so difficult to feel them all coming down on you at once.
PTL! that you are able to cry out to the Lord - either way, to ask Him to give you a break, to ask Him to slow down, or to tell Him you realize He is in control!! I'm not sure how people handle life without the Lord....
You are in my prayers ~ our van goes in today, so I am right there with ya on that one. My dh has worked a job (social work type of stuff) with ALL women (and bitter women, at that!) - that was an incredibly trying time as well.
God be with you, sister, as you go through your days, training & loving your little ones - dealing with issues and behavior. Just keep pulling ALL your strength from HIM ~ and know there are others out here praying for you and yours~
God bless you~
Lori
I love you Julie! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteKeep fixing your eyes on what is unseen. "For what is seen is temporary, what is unseen is eternal."
There, doin' that too. Today was a hum dinger.
ReplyDelete{hugs} God's got a plan and has something up his sleeve - even if he's not leaving us in on the details.
Jer. 29:11 For I know the thoughts I think toward you; thoughts of good and not evil...
ReplyDeleteRest assured that He is feeling what you are feeling and says 'come to me all who are heavy laden...' you will find rest in his arms.
God is bigger than a van. God is so much bigger than our President, and God is considerably bigger than any of the other "problems" we face. We are reminded in Zech. to speak to those mountains.
Speak in a way that authority has never come from your lips. Start talking to your van. Start thanking God that He has already given provision for the repairs or the new one! God hears our lamentations, but 'faith is by hearing, hearing by the word of God'.
Speak to it Sister - I'm standing in the gap and praying for you!
Loves and Hugs!
Lori(Michigan Momma), your words always encourage me. I know this is God's way of building something in me and I am blessed for it!
ReplyDeleteAngela, you are a great friend. Thanks for the words, sister!
Janel, I remember some of the painful spots for you last year. You are an inspiration to me in your continuing faithfulness to God.
Mrs. B, I do so hope we get to meet soon. I love your words and your "standing in the gap" for me. I used those same words with my preacher the other day when I told him I would stand in the gap for these women whose marriages are crumbling. I am so excited to know someone is doing the same for me.