Courtship An Alternative Part One

I used to know a family whose son was not allowed to date. In my know it all teenage style I thought that was just absurd. Now in my know nothing parenting style I think its a great idea. I have tried to arrange marriages for all of my kids but people just look at me funny. I have stopped doing that...kind of. Im still on the lookout for great kids for my children to associate with in hopes that maybe...well you get the picture.

On one my new favorite message boards lately we have been talking about Dating Vs. Courtship. Interestingly enough, I was in the courtship chapter of an excellent book I am reading called The Family: God's Weapon for Victory by Robert Andrews. I volunteered to outline his method of courtship, which is one of the best models I have seen so far. Then I remembered... I dont really do well with outlines. *Sigh* So bear with me as I try to get the gist of what Mr. Andrews is saying into written format without copying him to much.
He starts with some examples and verses from the Old and New Testemants. I will not go into that right now as I don't need to be convinced that courtship is the way we will go with our kids. Maybe in another post I will talk some about why we believe courtship is the better alternative and share some of his examples. For now I just want to talk about the actual model of courtship.
The first and most important part of courtship is the father's responsibility. The father must be consistent in his involvement.
His first area of involvement begins with his sons. "A father should realize when his sons are young that he has the awesome task of training them to be godly men with a vision for the Kingdom." Mr. Roberts goes into the whole family dynamic and Kingdom vision in his book. It's definately worth looking into. He goes on to say about sons, 'They should be protected with moral fences until they have adopted the family standards and vision for themselves. " Now here is something I thought was very important. "They are ready to marry when the father knows that his standards and his vision belong to them, and they are mature enough, in his estimation, to take on the responsibilities of a family" Sounds right to me. I have told my boys and girls both that they should not even think about a relationship with someone of the opposite sex until they are old enough and mature enough to marry . Now we have an idea of what that should look like in our sons.
Sons should be taught to protect a girl and treat her like a sister in the Lord until the proper time. They should understand the proper time to capture a young ladies heart is not until he is mature enough and has permission from his father and the girl's father.
As for daughters, the wife will do most of the training as the older woman. She will teach the girl to have a gentle and quiet spirit. To keep the home and care for children. Mr. Andrews says of the father, "He will give oversight by encouraging his wife, and being sure that she is communicating what he desires that his daughters should be learning." He goes on to say that the father's main responsibility with his daughter is protection.
Here is where he says something that made my heart soar. It was so true. "Girls are always eager to give their hearts away. That is the way they were made by God, the way they find fulfillment, but often they do not have the maturity to delay gratification until the proper time."
YES! YES! A thousand times YES! I am a girl. I know lots of girls. Anytime a guy smiles at you or winks or tells you your pretty....you melt! How many times was I "IN LOVE" before I met my husband. I mean soul shaking, earth shattering, in love! The numbers are limitless. One time I swooned because a guy gave me a hastily written note on Valentine's day that said he was sorry he had a wrestling match and could not spend the day with me. He really wanted to and would call me later. I swooned! Pathetic. How I wish someone had stepped in to protect my heart.
Mr. Andrews understands. "Because she is a relational, emotional, creature-of-the-moment, a girl is easy prey for a boy who is able to communicate with her, romance her, and who attempts to capture her heart. A father's job is to insure that that does not happen. Rather than teach her how to resist a boy's advances, and try to encourage her not to give her heart away, a father should never let her be in a situation where that is a possibility." WOW!
Little girls should be taught when they are young that there daddy will protect them. They need to understand that that means he will protect them even unto making sure she marries a godly man.
Now, that we have talked about the father's responsibilities we are ready for the courtship model.
I will use another post a little later to talk about the friendship-courtship-engagement model that Mr. Andrews outlines for us.
Until then, what are your thoughts on dating? What about a girl who does not have a father to stand in the gap for her?

Be Blessed!