In 1 Timothy 5:2 we see Paul tell Timothy to treat all women as sisters. Mr. Andrews outlines that bit more for us in his book The Family: God's Weapon for Victory. He says, "Anything that would not be done with a sister, that encourages the development of a romantic relationship, is off limits in our new model. This would obviously include, holding hands, kissing, etc.." I personally think this is a great guideline. It gives me something tangible to tell my boys and girls about their relationships with people of the opposite sex.
Mr. Andrews also gives a good contrast of friendships vs. relationships. "Romantic relationships are exclusive, turned inward, with the focus on each other. Friendships are inclusive, turned outward, with the focus on friends, activities, and ideas of mutual interests." Friends are sometimes alone together. Brothers and sisters are sometimes alone together. But as Mr. Andrews points out, "The focus must be on the mutuality that binds them together, not on their relationship with each other." Basically, maybe your daughter and a boy will play a game of tennis together. They might not be in a group playing this game, but they are not focusing on one another they are focusing on tennis.
One thing dad's have to look out for though is how deep is the friendship. Its very easy for a friendship between a boy and girl to get emotionally deep. Father's must monitor their daughter's friendships with these boys.
"When a young man reaches his twenties, he generally becomes ready to begin to think about marriage. He recognizes the need for a helpmate to share and complete his life." Now, the father has been watching his son. He knows his maturity level. He knows if the son is committed to the family goals and kingdom vision. If the father sees this in his son, he can then encourage his son to call a girl and ask her for a "date". WHOA! You said date. I thought thats what we were trying to avoid. Now, Im going to swerve a little off the road that Mr. Andrews is on for just a minute. In our family, this date is going to look something like this; time spent with our family or his/her family, if his/her family is of the same vision. Time spent in our home or the others home. They could sit on the porch, play a game, share a dessert and coffee. We won't necessarily be in the same room, but could walk in at any time. I do think there is a place for some semi-privacy as a couple gets to know one another.
Mr. Andrews does say that, "The father's role of protector demands that he be abreast of where his sons and daughters are at all times, not only geographically, but also in their relationships, and, if necessary, erect fences that his children cannot cross." This could mean the father takes a boy aside and tells him in no uncertain terms what he expects during this getting to know you period. It is very important that the father make clear his expectations. If he does not want the boy to hold his daughter's hand then that must be made clear. Help the young man to understand that if these expectations are not honored then he will not be allowed to see the girl anymore.
Some will balk at this. Well, your children won't agree to this. No, they won't. Not unless you have instilled in them the long term-vision of a fulfilling fruitful marriage. Not unless you have worked with your children so that they understand the vision of the family and the vision of the kingdom. It's all about capturing their hearts. Its all about becoming one as a family. Thats what my husband and I are trying to do right now with our young children. We are teaching them to trust us. If you teach them when they are young to be obedient and to trust you it will be that much better for you when they are older.So, do you have a plan for your children? What will a "date" look like for your family?
Tomorrow or Monday I will talk about the actual courtship process.
Be Blessed
