Ok, so you have your friends. One day the young man notices the young lady a little more closely. Maybe he is attracted by her sweet spirit, her gentleness, her kindness.... whatever. Something to pull out here is that the boy needs to be the aggressor. Women are made to be responders, men aggressors. The first person he needs to seek out is his father. Here are some of the questions Mr. Andrews thinks should be answered between father and son:
Am I ready to pursue a serious relationship with marriage as the result?
Is this young lady an appropriate candidate for a wife for me?
What do you see that I don't see that could be a problem?
This should all be discussed before any emotional attachment occurs.
Mr. Andrews says at this point the father is in a position to encourage the relationship or to end it.
Mr. Andrews says, "If dad gives the green light the next step is to contact the girl's father. He is in authority over his daughter and must be apprised of any interest in her. This is not a request to marry his daughter, but to enter into a courtship phase in the relationship; a period of time for serious investigation by all parties (the girl, the boy, and both fathers) as to whether this young couple are God's choices for each other.Now its important to point out here that some dads will have no idea what is going on when the boy calls him up to ask his daughter out. Some boys will have no idea how this courtship thing works. Hopefully the dad will find it impressive that the boy is willing to include him. Boys might not understand why the girl has so many dating rules, but if he truly wants to get to know her then he will be respectful. Thats the first sign that he is mature enough for marriage. A willingness to respect her father and her father's vision for his family.
Mr. Andrews briefly describes a situation with his daughter who was away at college and how a young man stepped in to woo her off of her feet. When you get the book you will understand the story. :)I use that to quote him on something very near and dear to my heart.
"... sending a girl away to college, out from under a father's direct supervision, is a very dangerous thing, no matter solid she may be spiritually, no matter how much she agrees with her father's role in her life, and no matter how committed she is to her father's vision. Girls are responders, and they will respond to the right young man. Fathers must train daughters when they are very young to hide nothing from them, to always walk in the light with them. They must be confident of this, or they should not let their daughter leave their direct supervision."
I am praying that our girls do not go away to college. I don't care if they go to college at all in all honesty. I do pray if they need a degree in something though that they can do it here at home under their father's protection.
Moving on... LOL
"Courtship is a time, based on a previous friendship, rather than a romance, when two people are consciously seeing if they are God's choice for each other." Mr. Andrews goes on to explain that during courtship while kissing is still taboo that a couple may now hold hands. He said this signifies they are a couple. We are still being very careful to guard our hearts.Mr. Andrews says that, "Courtship provides formal definition, so everyone knows where the relationship is. There are no surprises. Evaluation is occurring: the couple evaluating each other, and asking the question, 'Is he/she right for me?', the girl's father asking,' Is he right for my daughter?', and the boy's father asking, 'Is she right for my son?'
The young man needs to know that he has God's love for this young woman. If he realizes he does not he must end the courtship. This love will be what their marriage is built on.
The girl's father needs to know that this is the man he will give his daughter to. As Mr. Andrews says, "After the wedding is too late.... If he is fooled, and this young man does not take his daughter in the direction of the kingdom of God, he has lost of his weapons of war, a part of his heritage, and his influence down through the ages because his grandchildren may not be raised as kingdom men and women."
When the young man has gotten the go ahead from the father, he must now set out to win the girl. Just because the father is impressed does not mean the daughter will be. She has the right of refusal.
During the courtship the father still needs to be on guard. It is his duty still to protect his daughter. There will be restrictions on alone time and restrictions on physical contact. There is no commitment at this point. Hearts should still be guarded. Mr. Andrews says, "The father should continue to hold the young man accountable as to time and location when the young people are together."
Courtship is not the time to get ready for marriage. Both should be mature and able to enter into marriage already. "The purpose of courtship is evaluation, not preparation."
Next we will talk about Engagement.
I just want to endorse once again this wonderful book I am reading. The Family God's Weapon For Victory by Robert Andrews, is one of the best books I have read on family vision for God's kingdom. It outlines everything. DH and I are both enjoying it.
I am trying not to copy to much straight from the book, but it is hard as he has such wisdom and insight that I can not properly put into words.
I hope you are enjoying this.
Are any of your thoughts about dating changing? Do you already have a courtship model in place?
Be Blessed!
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