Questions about foster care

Thank you Julie. I enjoyed reading that very much. My husband and I have never been able to have children and have considered being foster parents. I must say though we have several fears about the whole thing. Some of them are 1) having the government so deeply involved in your life. 2) the emotional torture of having to give a child back to a parent who you KNOW is going to hurt them again. 3) I was on a foster website and ALL the children were listed as having ADD or ADHD and we're thinking, yeah, we know how to take care of kids (I've taught preschool in the past) but having no actual PARENTAL experience are we able to handle a child with ADD or ADHD? And are we going to have to give them drugs constantly? 4) we knew of a family in our Church who were foster parents and the foster kids told the case worker that the dad spanked them---thankfully the caseworker searched out the matter and found out the girl was lying but it's scary to think of being accused of something like that. 5) my husband and I aren't in our 20's anymore (he's in his 40's and I'm in my 30's) so I wonder if we have the stamina for it! (o; 6) my husband works LONG hours so the bulk of it all would fall to me, and though I've taken care of several children before, it's different than actually 'parenting' them. 7)having to deal with the birth parents. 8) As Christians we have certain beliefs about music, dress, etc...how do you tell a child who's been listening to rock music his/her whole life that it is not allowed in our house?
The above comment was posted by Mrs. B. I am going to answer her questions here so everyone can see them.

1) Yes, the government is involved in your life. You have a ton of people traipsing through your house monthly. You have to document all areas of life. If the child gets hurt you have to document it. If the child is sick you have to document it. They will decide what is best for the child as far as medical care and mental health. If they want to drug your child you cant stop them. Some workers are laid back and easy going. They know children fall down, they know children get angry when they get in trouble. Other workers question your every move. You get used to it..and remember you KEEP your SENSE OF HUMOR! They do let you make a lot of decisions regarding the child but they have the power to veto your decisions.

2) This has happened. You just PRAY! You give the child as much of yourself as you can before he is sent back and as much of God's love as you dole out. Then you send up a prayer everytime you think of the little one and move on taking care of the ones still with you.

3)Yes, every child in foster care is on mind altering drugs. Or at least it seems that way. There was even an article in a newspaper about it once. Right now out of my five only one is on ADHD drugs. As soon as she is mine we will be getting her off of the drugs. She does not need them she is an 8 year old girl who has a lot of energy and creativity. A lot of the children just have never been given discipline or boundaries. If you stay consistent within one month you will see a completely different child. We did not have any experience either. We read our Bible, we prayed and we learned from experience. We are always getting compliments on our children.

4) The first thing they told us in class is you will have an accusation made against you. We have had a couple but have all been unfounded. Not even enough to warrant an investigation. The caseworkers know that kids will say and do anything to get their way. They are used to it. We are careful around the children, they know though that we love them and when they get in trouble its because we love them. You cannot spank foster children. Goodness knows some of them need it BUT you cant do it. The workers tend to side with foster parents more often than not. If your child has any sort of weird injury report it immediately to the case worker and write it all down. We have a little boy with us who wanted so desperatly to go back to his mom that he told anyone who would listen that we were banging his head on the table. After some more questions it was determined that he thought that if they took me to jail like his mommy he would get to go back to her. You definitely have to stay on your toes!

5) Im almost 27 and my DH is 33. Sometimes I dont think we have the stamina! Its tiring definitely but well worth it. You are given a questionnaire at the beginning and you can pick which behaviors you dont want, what ages you want, boys or girls or both, how many? You just match your abilities to a child. Probably I would say early elementary or preschool would be a good starting point for you guys..but then again since your home you could feasibly do babies. ???

6)See answer 5. Start with one or two and get comfortable there. If you can handle more add one more. If you are comfortable with one or two then stay with one or two. You get to say yes or no when placement call you.

7)AHH! My favorite part of the whole process. Some birth parents you grow to love others you want to strangle. The main thing is you can choose how much involvement personally you have with them. Some of my children's birth parents I have never met. One I like a lot and one just gets on my last nerves. This is where your sense of humor comes in... AGAIN!

8)We are strong Christians. The children in your home can be raised according to your beliefs. They can attend church with you and are required to abide by your house rules. We have a house rule about television. Our workers think its crazy but they respect it. Our little girls wear dresses most of the time though we dont require it...we do encourage it. Our biggest change was our eight year old. She finally decided she was not going to "die" without 24/7 television.


There are limitations to how you can raise the children and what you can do. Its frustrating sometimes but it just forces you to rely on God. He has made me quiet creative. :)