This has been a long, trying year for my family. I am ready to see it go. Illness, loss, death, divorce... the list goes on. As I talk to other Christians I hear the same theme throughout. Depression sneaks in and we loose our joy. Our purpose changes from the "big picture" mentality to just getting through today.I'll be the first to admit there have been times I have walked away from my Bible reading and daily prayer time. I just did not want to be friends anymore. But as I look back through my prayer journal I see that when I came back I came back broken and repentant. I found God waiting for me with arms held out. I would just cling to His awesome grace and mercy for a time, then something would happen and I would sulk off again.
But something else was happening. I was noticing that we had food to eat, money to pay our bills and a few extras. I noticed that each trial brought me to a new place with God. The Bible became more than just a daily reading to me. It became a lifeline between me and God. My spirit was confirmed and convicted appropriately as I read through the crinkly onion skin pages.
Through it all life began to really make sense. Make sense in the way that I realized this world is so very temporary.
I realized that I was reading my Bible and praying as a ritual to get me through the day. Surely if I read my Bible and jot down my thoughts to God then my day will go smoothly. No. What I found was that on days that did not go smoothly if I spent some time with the Lord I could handle it better.
There is no promise of happiness and comfort. Only of peace and joy. Two very different things.
Peace in the midst of discomfort because I know God is by my side perhaps even carrying me through. Joy in the midst of unhappiness because I know that this too shall pass. Joy because Jesus is my heart and soul not this world and her pleasures.
The girls and I are keeping gratitude journals. Each morning we write five things we are thankful for and each night before bed we write five more things. We plan to share these with the family on New Years Eve.
Do I know for sure that 2010 will be a better year? No. I sure hope it will be, but the one thing I do know for sure is that God will never leave me nor forsake me.
Right after we started the gratitude journals I read these verses in Psalms 77.
Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more?
Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth [his] promise fail for evermore?
Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.
And I said, This [is] my infirmity: [but I will remember] the years of the right hand of the most High.
I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.
I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.
Thy way, O God, [is] in the sanctuary: who [is so] great a God as [our] God?
Thou [art] the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people.
Thou hast with [thine] arm redeemed thy people, the sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah.
When I think God has forgotten me or is just cutting me off I can go back to my gratitude journal and realize that He has given me so much more than I deserve.
Be Blessed!
I understand this today Jules! My hubs recently lost his job too. Death in our family as well as a whole lot going on other than that. I too have walked away from reading and studying the word - off and on! Sounds like I'm standing downwind from you :o)
ReplyDeleteBut God is good - He is faithful and we have not, by any means, gone without! God ~ alone ~ is sufficient!
Miss chatting with you! Love ya sister! Thinking of you each time I make buttermilk in that cute little glass jar you sent me!
Praying for you!
Lori
This is so powerful. Thanks for the reminder to give thanks!
ReplyDeletePain and Sarrow Drive People into the wilderness. In that wildness god resides and speaks to their minds.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking heavily on theis "breaking to bring back" thing latley.
Know that you are not alone
L.ann, as I said on your blog today.. many times, I think we are walking the same path lately.
ReplyDeleteWe just finished our water balloons the other day. LOL
Kate, it's as much a reminder to myself as to everyone else. It really is helping.
HH, welcome. I don't know if I have seen you around here. I checked out your blog. It's wonderful. I struggle a lot with schedules and you had some neat ideas. I believe that what I am walking through now is definatly God strengthening my faith. While I mourn over the last year I rejoice in the lessons I am learning. :)
Julie,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog a little while ago and have so enjoyed reading it. We are very like-minded in many areas. I can so relate to this post. I lost my Dad a little over a year ago and my children and I are now going through a year long deployment away from Daddy. We are not a church this morning because it looks like some of my children might have the flu. It seems like life sometimes hits us hard, but Christ is ever faithful. When I feel as though I can't go on, I remember His faithfulness and know that He has not called me yet to face some of the terrible atrocities my brothers and sisters around the world have been facing as far as persecution. Thank you for your encouraging posts.
In Christ alone,
Jackie