A perfect post

Lady Lydia has the perfect blog post up right now. It's for Daughters Taught at Home it spoke volumes to my heart. It is so the vision I have for my own home and family. The one thing that really caught my eye was she said something about the more daughters you have at home the more lovely your home should be. Now I don't think she is necessarily speaking to the moms of three daughters under three. No, she is speaking to me. The mother of soon to be four daughters. At 13, 10, and 8 they should be assets to our homemaking. Instead they don't finish jobs, don't do them well, or only do a half job. My oldest tried to sew a skirt and because the whole project was to overwhelming for me (really, a skirt?) it became to hard for her because she had no guidance. Now it sits half sewn. I blame myself.

Why do my girls not do their best when it comes to homemaking? Because I do not do my best in training and teaching them. I do not do my best because I am overwhelmed when I look at all that needs to be done. I never learned. I never even tried to learn. Why do I want to pass that legacy onto my girls?

So I am going to start today. Today I am going to work beside my daughter who is in charge of cleaning the bathrooms. We will go down the list and do each chore. I am a bit limited in what I can do, but I think just me being there and being joyful will go a long way. I will also instruct her and show her as we go. My plan is to spend the rest of this week with her in the bathrooms and then next week when she is in the kitchen I will spend the week with her there.

I might have the girls clean in shifts for the next few weeks (with a hiatus of course for me when Lily comes) and spend time with each of them showing them the joy that can be had in homemaking.

I plan to put together some craft kits for the next few weeks and have them do some creative stuff for at least an hour every afternoon. After Lily is here and we settle into more of a routine we will spend that hour in the afternoon going through the books Keepers At Home and Raising A Maiden of Virtue. I started the Maiden book with Karly but we did not finish it. Now I want to go through it with all of the girls again.

Also my plan is one day a month to have daddy and the boys go out and do something or stay home and do something and the girls and I will have tea and a craft day at home or a nice brunch and time to browse craft shops or something like that out. We will probably start that up in the fall.

These are all things I have been thinking about lately. Funny the great ideas you have when you can't implement them.

I am looking forward to bonding with my little ladies. To teaching them the joy that is to be had in being keepers at home. In serving those around them. Of course to show that joy I will have to learn it.

I admit as much as I love the thought of having this new little baby to love and the miracle that she represents. And as much as I look forward to having more, I am not a good pregnant person. I don't know if it was the stress that permeated the last year and the first half of this pregnancy or just being so ill of health. I have been very ill through it all. But that's another post. This one is focusing on my little ladies.

I will be posting a baby update soon. I will be 38 weeks on Sunday. Almost here! :)

Be Blessed!

Oh yeah, about that...

Today in my devotional time I was really convicted about something. Mainly about my relationship with my kids these last few weeks. Everyone has reassured me it's hormonal, but looking back I think it's just an excuse to escalate my bad attitude. I mean, there has to come a point I stop blaming Lily for everything, right? :)
Anyway, back to my relationship with my kids. It's been rough. I get to the point where I can't stand to hear them. They talk to me and I glare at them. They run around the house playing and I yell at them to STOP! It's pretty ridiculous. I mean, really, why would any of my kids want to have babies if this is what it looks like?!

So today I wrote one short prayer in my prayer journal. Lord, help me to LOVE my children. Help me to have a better relationship with them. Heal all the hurt I have caused.

I also wrote down three expectations for myself. These I came up with while I was showering and thinking. Because, you know mamas, sometimes that quick shower in the morning is the only thinking time we have. :)

* I need to let go of my "Ideal". When you go into motherhood, at least for me, you have this ideal of what it is going to look like. I think for too many years I have strived for this ideal and when it did not happen I got frustrated. Frustrated with myself, frustrated with my children, dare I say it? Frustrated with God. But see my ideal does not work for my family. For starters my kids came with some pretty heavy emotional baggage that they are still struggling with. Second, after having kids I realized just what a selfish, sinner I really was. I don't always want to die to myself everyday so these kids can have what they want/need from me.

*I need to let go of control and learn better how to guide. Another thing I realized after God brought these kids into my life. I am a control FREAK! No lie! I am also paranoid as all get out. It does not bode well for my children. They have to look at least 17 times before they cross the street. And that's for my 10 and 13yos who are actually allowed to cross the street by themselves. :) Maybe I exaggerate a bit much. ;) But seriously, my kids are getting a little older. It is time to let them make some mistakes. I would rather they make the mistakes now while I am here to help clean up then when they are far away from me and need good guidance. SO I need to learn how to guide them through making the tough decisions and stop making the choices for them all the time. I do believe what I told our 13yo the other day. God gave her a mom and dad to know all about the scary stuff in the world and to make rules to keep her safe so she does not have to deal with it all right now. I am by no means ready to throw them to the wolves or let them out from under the umbrella of protection, but I could do a little better in letting them take the lead.

*I need to let God paint the picture of our family. This goes with one and two a lot. Everyone has a picture of what they want their family to look like. Mine resembled some Little House on the Prairie fantasy. My reality is more like the Simpsons. I need to realize that while God has put me here to mold and shape these kids, I need to make sure I am molding and shaping them into what he wants and not so much what I want.

It's a long road and one that I am sure I will have to spend much time repenting and relearning as I go, but it's enough for now that I can see these areas in my life that need taming. I just pray for wisdom and discernment on this path, because we only get this one day to live. Tomorrow is not promised. Tomorrow my 13yo will be 21 and I will be watching the fruit I produced in her life begin to ripen or rot. I will cover her and all of my children in prayer. I will pray for God to show me how to raise them. How to let go of my wants and desires and bend to His will for these kids. I pray for his mercy and grace to cover up the failures and let the kids only see that I love them enough to try. Maybe not cover up as much as minimize the effect they have on them.

That's my prayer.

Be Blessed!

Overwhelmed

With the weeks going by so quickly (hello, April? April? Where did you go?) and the approach of my baby's birthday even closer I have thought back on the past few months a lot. Mainly because it has been such a time of mixed emotions for me. Joy, rapture, anticipation, worry, anxiety, overwhelmingness, doubt, fear....

Ever since that day on Christmas Eve I have wondered if I will truly hold this baby. Even now as she does flips and turns and all sorts of other gymnastics I have had the doubt. I don't know if it's the fact that I have waited so long for this, the early complications, or the hormones.

I go twice a week now for NSTs (non stress tests to monitor baby's movement and heartrate) and once a week for a quick scan to make sure fluid level, placenta, and baby movement are still good. This has offered some reassurance.

But really, where should all of my reassurance be coming from? Why is it so hard to believe that God will take care of my baby and me? Why do I struggle every day with opening my Bible? Why do I struggle with even talking to God? When I need Him so much I feel like I am just distancing myself more and more everyday! I do pick up my Bible in hopes that today will be the day that I can truly lay it all down at His feet and walk away. I do commune with Him through prayer. Though I feel like sometimes all I do is ask, ask, ask.

It's been a tough season. One that I am looking forward to looking back on and seeing the lessons I learned.

Be Blessed!

Bitter or Better?

As I have pondered over this last year I have had some thoughts about the trials and tribulations I have seen. As I told you before, there have been a few times I have just closed my Bible and walked away. But coming back has always been so refreshing. Repenting and basking in the mercy and grace of Jesus has been amazing. I realize that I am so much closer to God right now than I have ever been. I am trusting in Him so much more!

These trials and tribulations might have been for that very reason. They were probably put there to grow my faith. To make me a better Christian. I asked Jesus to help me understand grace more, and now I do.

The thing is though, I know a lot of people who have gone through a difficult year this year. Some worse than I have. I have seen people grow and I have seen them just give up.

The trials and tribulations we face in life bring us to a crossroads. We can choose to be better or bitter. Will we continue to follow Christ even though each step seems mired in mud and we can't see where we are going anymore? Or will we give up and decide that God does not care about us, if he even exists?

I watched last Sunday as a woman stood before our church repentant and broken. It was a true miracle. She was one of my hardships this year. Her marriage falling apart broke my heart. Her walking away and acting like she'd done nothing wrong made me insane. But God is faithful. He heard our cries for her and she stood up Sunday morning and asked for our forgiveness. She wept before us and warned us about the dangers or sin.

She was on the bitter path but then she detoured for the better path and I am so delighted.

I am on the better path. I admit to a time or two putting a foot onto the bitter path, but there was no joy there. It felt good for a season, but that's all sin will feel good for. A season. Then the consequences begin to pour in on top of you. God begins to pull you back towards him and it's a hard and desperate road.

Choose to be better through your trials and tribulations. Choose to trust in God and allow Him to grow you. In the end it will all be worth it!

Be Blessed!

"Doing" Church

I Corinthians 1
10Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.
11For it hath been declared unto me of you, my brethren, by them which are of the house of Chloe, that there are contentions among you.
12Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos; and I of Cephas; and I of Christ.
13Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptized in the name of Paul?

I have been burdened a lot lately with some thoughts that keep flitting through my mind about church. Of course you know my burden lately to help others out. Part of that comes from watching these people suffer and then watching churches build bigger buildings and better children's programs and worship programs. You know with flashing lights and state of the art tech equipment? I'm not saying those things are wrong, but I am wondering if our priorities are out of whack a little bit. It started me asking questions about church.

What is the purpose of the church? I look around at churches who seek to make the lost comfortable. Then I think, "Wait! If your lost are you supposed to be comfortable in church?" If your living a life full of sin are you supposed to be comfortable hearing from the Word of God? I don't really think so. Then I thought about verses that tell Christians to GO!

Matthew 28

18And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
19Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
20Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Are we supposed to be sitting in churches, building bigger churches, and relying on the preacher to save all the heathens? Once again these are just thoughts I have been having. I am starting to think that churches should be training grounds. Training for the saints to go out and deliver the message of Jesus Christ. To minister to the lost. To offer a cup of water to the thirsty.
So much of what is offered up on Sunday mornings lately is just barely milk.
I actually know a few strong Christians who just choose to gather at home for home meeting instead of corporate worship because the churches they have tried are so watery. I am not advocating that as the best idea either. I'm just wondering if the church should not be used more for teaching and training the Christians to go out into the world. Just a thought.

As far as the verses I mentioned in the beginning that's a whole other thought process. It kind of reminds me of the different denominations. In the New Testament when the preachers came they came to a gathering somewhere in the city. Not to three of four different gatherings. Can you imagine the impact the church could make on this world if we set aside our doctrinal differences and just acted like we all served the same God and were all saved through Christ? I think much of the war that we face with the world would be won in that one change.

I don't know just some thoughts I had.

Be Blessed!

Caring for the homeless and downtrodden

Our family has a vision of one day owning enough land to build some small cottages. These cottages would first be used for our parents if they wished. They would have their own homes and be independent while having us close by to care for them. If they choose not to join us on the homestead we would reserve the cottages for ministry. For families who needed a place to stay for awhile. For missionaries home on furlough. For other ministers away from home doing God's work. For single mothers and widows. For anyone who lost everything they had because of an accident or job loss. As the responsible parents of children there would be rules and much discernment over who stayed on our property, but there are enough people out there who just need a hand up that I know we could be a blessing to many.
We plan to have a functional farm to help feed these boarders and others. We would require most people staying with us to help out around the farm. I would love to have a huge farm table that everyone was welcomed around. Or if they wanted to eat in their cottage that would be fine as well.
Dh has lots of plans for recreation areas on our property and we both have major visions of hospitality.
This is what we are striving for as we watch our finances and save where we can.
But what can we do right now?

My heart has been pondering this for awhile now. When Jesus saw someone hurting or helpless did he just pass by? I want to help people out. I want to do it with more than just a check to some random organization. I have been looking for ways to help. Here are some ideas.

I am going to purchase boxes of the prepackaged tuna and cracker lunches and canned chicken salad with crackers lunches and keep them in my car along with peanut butter crackers and bottles of water during these winter months. When I see someone asking for money I will share with them. Because of where I grew up I can't in good conscience give money. I know some will disagree with this, but the things I saw these mentally ill people do with the money given to them broke my heart. In my eyes they need a meal more than crack or alcohol.

I have a dear friend from the Philippines. In January she is heading there to help with flood damage. She is using her own money to send food, clothing, blankets... I am going to contribute to those boxes. I am also hoping to slip her some money before January to help with her expenses. She is the cleaning lady at a fast food restaurant.

I am going to the thrift store to load up on heavy blankets to donate to the homeless shelter this winter. I also plan to pick up heavy socks brand new to donate as well.

Roy and I are hoping to take the kids on a mission trip next year. Maybe not to another country just yet, but some place here in the US that needs some sort of disaster relief. I had thought of contacting the Red Cross and asking about opportunities for families with children to volunteer.

I have been busy stocking my pantry and freezer hoping to share with single mothers, widows, and others who might need a meal or two due to finances or illness or death.

I started last year purchasing gift cards to send to families right before Thanksgiving so that they could have a good meal or even some Christmas presents.

If you knew me at all you would know that my compassion and mercy are seriously lacking. I think that is one of the lessons God has been teaching me this year though. The theme of my happiness and comfort does not matter is really starting to manifest itself not just in faith but in works.

While I do take precautions, I mean Jesus was a single man and I am a mother of young children, I know that God will protect me as needed.

Yes, my husband is still jobless, but I think that God expects us to keep on giving. He is our provider. :)

I did not type any of this to pat my own back. Its a huge burden on my heart lately and something I think that we as Christ followers are seriously failing to work at. I hope these ideas will move you towards reaching out to the less fortunate.

Be Blessed!

Give Thanks

This has been a long, trying year for my family. I am ready to see it go. Illness, loss, death, divorce... the list goes on. As I talk to other Christians I hear the same theme throughout. Depression sneaks in and we loose our joy. Our purpose changes from the "big picture" mentality to just getting through today.
I'll be the first to admit there have been times I have walked away from my Bible reading and daily prayer time. I just did not want to be friends anymore. But as I look back through my prayer journal I see that when I came back I came back broken and repentant. I found God waiting for me with arms held out. I would just cling to His awesome grace and mercy for a time, then something would happen and I would sulk off again.
But something else was happening. I was noticing that we had food to eat, money to pay our bills and a few extras. I noticed that each trial brought me to a new place with God. The Bible became more than just a daily reading to me. It became a lifeline between me and God. My spirit was confirmed and convicted appropriately as I read through the crinkly onion skin pages.
Through it all life began to really make sense. Make sense in the way that I realized this world is so very temporary.
I realized that I was reading my Bible and praying as a ritual to get me through the day. Surely if I read my Bible and jot down my thoughts to God then my day will go smoothly. No. What I found was that on days that did not go smoothly if I spent some time with the Lord I could handle it better.
There is no promise of happiness and comfort. Only of peace and joy. Two very different things.
Peace in the midst of discomfort because I know God is by my side perhaps even carrying me through. Joy in the midst of unhappiness because I know that this too shall pass. Joy because Jesus is my heart and soul not this world and her pleasures.
The girls and I are keeping gratitude journals. Each morning we write five things we are thankful for and each night before bed we write five more things. We plan to share these with the family on New Years Eve.
Do I know for sure that 2010 will be a better year? No. I sure hope it will be, but the one thing I do know for sure is that God will never leave me nor forsake me.
Right after we started the gratitude journals I read these verses in Psalms 77.

Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more?

Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth [his] promise fail for evermore?

Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.

And I said, This [is] my infirmity: [but I will remember] the years of the right hand of the most High.

I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.

I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.

Thy way, O God, [is] in the sanctuary: who [is so] great a God as [our] God?

Thou [art] the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people.

Thou hast with [thine] arm redeemed thy people, the sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah.

When I think God has forgotten me or is just cutting me off I can go back to my gratitude journal and realize that He has given me so much more than I deserve.

Be Blessed!

Three sisters

Sisters through and through, that's what my girls are. They laugh together, cry together, argue with one another, and fight to the death for the other. Sisters. I never had a blood sister growing up. Fortunately I found some wonderful older girls who semi-took the role.

I remember not long after I got engaged I emailed Roy's three sisters. I told them how excited I was to finally have sisters. Oh, if I only knew then what that would mean.

Various family squabbles through the years have put people in and out of touch with one another. The last time we were all together was in 2001 when the siblings came together for a picture session for their parents.
Through it all Ellen, the oldest, was a rock. She kept up with everyone. Her sisters talked to her daily. Through Ellen we found out what was happening with nieces and nephews. She was the peacemaker. She hated the fighting.

This past weekend I watched two sisters trying to cope and learn to function without the third sister. It was heartbreaking. I watched a little brother look around lost and dejected. I watched him cling to his two remaining sisters, one who'd refused to speak to him for years. Watched these three siblings remember the one who held them all together.

I thought about my three little girls. I wondered what adult life held for them and their relationships. I prayed and prayed for the three little sisters that I'd left back home. My girls. Would they watch out for one another? Would they protect one another? I watch them even now and know that they will.

I think about the sister gone. Taken from the lives of her little sisters and baby brother. She has through death accomplished one thing that I know she hoped to always accomplish. Unity. She left behind sisters and a brother who understand the importance of one another now.

At Thanksgiving this year we will all come together again with our families to remember the lost sister. Brother and sisters will be thankful for one another. For time spent together with families.

Thanks Ellen!

Through this season

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1

As I grow older the above verse makes more and more sense to me. I understand the different seasons of my life a little bit more.

As the mother of children ranging in ages of 3-12 I realize that I am at a very unique season of life.

As the wife of a man with parents in their 70s I understand that this season is a time of selflessness.

The sandwich generation is what they are calling it. Adults who are caring not only for the needs of their own children, but also taking care of ailing parents.

This past week Dh and I experienced this in a whole new way. My father in law had hip replacement surgery so we loaded up our kids and our van and left on Thursday night. He had some complications so when we got there he'd been moved from his rehab back to the hospital. Fortunately my SIL, a CNA, was staying with his mother during this time so she was able to tell us about the complication and everything that went with it. In the end it turned out to be pretty minor and he was sent back to rehab on Friday.
Friday we took my SIL to the airport and it was game on for our family. We were left to care for my MIL. It was a very trying weekend and on Sunday Dh sent the kids and I home for a day or two of respite. I spent all day Monday in prayer and asking for prayer from others. I also started the second half of our school year. I knew due to certain circumstances that I would be able to successfully school at my in laws home on Wed. and Thurs. So instead of postponing everything I went ahead and started.
Tuesday afternoon I loaded the kids and the car back up and headed back down ready to be a better helpmeet to my husband.



The next few days were hard, but Roy and I had a couple of opportunities to share Jesus with my MIL. I was given new insight into the absolute utter lostness of man apart from Jesus that has completely changed my heart. With God's help I made it to Friday before I snapped and only just a little bit. My kids were able to see what a difference our home is to a lost person's home. They were also given opportunity to serve and honor their grandparents.
Through all the downs and downs God sustained us and made us stronger with every passing day. He gave my FIL healing in such a sense that we were able to return home as a family on Friday after he got out of rehab.
God has also given us some new decisions to make. One is whether we will be moving closer to them. They are only about 3.5 hours away right now, but that is still a hoof with a van full of kids. Also with a home of our own down there I believe we would be better able to minister to them physically and spiritually without neglecting our small children.
Roy is not really sure yet this is the direction he wants to take. It was hard on him the last few days. He is praying through the possibility. Me? My bags are packed. But then that's why I married a Mr. Steady to keep me from making rash moves.
In the end I realize I could have been more gracious and had more of a servant's heart. I am so thankful that God is teaching me through all of this. I am starting to see my theme for the year run it's way through this part of my life. The theme of choosing joy and letting go of my happiness. Maybe that's what the first half of the year was about. Getting me to this place where I can easily say that yes, moving closer to them is an option. An option I would be open to and sincerely content with.

Who knows where God is taking us this time. LOL

Be Blessed!

Guarding your mind.

Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Through all the trials and tribulations of the last few months one thing has become abundantly clear to me. People don't give up on their marriages over night. Spouses don't turn to someone else to fulfill their needs on the spur of the moment one day. We don't turn our children over to the enemy on a whim. No one has ever become an alcoholic after one drink. A junkie just because they were in the car with someone who was lighting up. These are all things that happen gradually. Especially in a believer's life. A Slow Fade if you will.

How should we avoid the Slow Fade? BE ON GUARD! If I think my husband is not happy about something in our marriage we need to talk about it now. If some man is trying to get my attention I need to notice it for what it is and let my husband know. If I see one of my kids heading down a dangerous path I need to stop them. We must, must, must be on guard. To be on guard we HAVE to be aware of what's going on around us. To be aware of what's going on around us we need to be in CONSTANT fellowship with the Father.

Some people scoff at me but I pray all the time that if my kids are getting away with something that I will catch them. This has led to many instances where I have caught my children in lies, stealing, cheating, anger.. whatever. I have to be aware of what's going on in my family. One lie could lead to many. One day my child will be an adult and not know how not to lie if I don't stop it now.

To be on guard means to be aware of what we are putting into our minds. What are we allowing in? I watched a video the other day on the homosexual agenda in America. In 1989 a book came out about how the homosexuals were going to turn America around. The first thing? Desensitizing. They got into Hollywood. Homosexuals on movies and television shows were like able buddies. Characters you grew to love and empathize with. Even in the Christian church we don't so much condemn the sin anymore because that would be too close to letting our buddy down.

What about something not quiet so dramatic. Language. Some of the language you hear just running errands now a days would have been thought completely wrong just a few decades ago. Now, some kid says a bad word on T.V. and America laughs. Because we heard it so much on television and in the movies it's ok to say it now. Desensitizing.

Our preacher gave us a list of how to renovate your mind. I am going to share it with you now.

1. Take all reading, listening, and viewing materials not good, pure, helpful, just, lovely.. and throw them out.

2. Replace the above materials with God's word. Practice meditating on God's word.

Psalms 1:2, "But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night."

3. Pack your mind full of God's word. Read it, study it, meditate on it, memorize it. Read books by Christian authors. Elizabeth George, Charles Spurgeon, Voddie Baucham, George Whitfield, Matthew Henry, Elizabeth Elliot, Billy Graham.. there are so many great Christian authors out there.

4. Put a picture, a full size portrait, of Jesus in the front of your mind. Keep it there. I also walk around just saying Jesus' name out loud to keep him front and center in my mind.

5. Be aware of His presence, purity, and power. This will cause wrong thoughts to move under His control.

I hope, my friends, that you understand that this is just something I am working through in my own life. If it helps someone else out thats great! I appreciate you letting me share this journey with ya'll.

Be Blessed!

In themes...

Last year I noticed a theme in my life. God was teaching me about righteousness. There are two verses that really stood out to me during that time period.

Genesis 15:6, "And he believed in the LORD; and he counted it to him for righteousness."

Matthew 6:33, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Now, I'm no great Biblical scholar by any means, but I wanted to just focus on something God taught me with those verses.

The first verse was when Abram and God were talking and God was telling Abram to look toward the sky. To see all the stars. God was promising Abram that his descendants would compare in number to the stars in the sky. Abram was childless at this point. But he still believed that God would do what He said He would do. He believed in the LORD and it was counted to him for righteousness.

I have to believe that God is who He say He is, and will do what He says He will do. I have to believe in the Lord.

It's easy to say that as a Christian, of course I believe in God. But then I have to put that faith in action and let God be God in my life.

Which brings me to the next verse. Matt. 6:33.

This verse was an assurance that God has everything under control. He know our needs. He even knows our wants. The only thing we need to do is seek after God and His righteousness. That's brought me to my new theme for this year. Eyes on Jesus. Thoughts on Jesus. Heart on Jesus. I am reorganizing my WHOLE life to focus on Jesus.

Paul Washer has helped. My preacher has helped. I have already started questioning some of the shows and movies I watch. The thoughts I think. The way I respond to others. It's an amazing journey when you try to line up every minute of your life with Jesus.

Soon, I will post about guarding our minds. My next post will be some recipes I promised. I'm so excited about the journey God has me on right now. Journaling it here helps me to lock some of it down to track my growth and maturity. If a year from now I am still listening to the same bad advice or watching the same television programs I will know that I am not on the right track.

I am no theologian or Biblical scholar. Just someone hungering and thirsting for righteousness. :)

Be Blessed!

Crash day...

I am tired, worn out and cranky today. There I said it. Hows that for keeping it real?

So far I have broken the laundry basket. Yelled at my children. Said words that ladies should not say. And sent 1 almost 2 out of 5 children to bed. *Sigh*
I know all the triggers. I usually get this way when I spend too much time away from home. When chores and projects pile up. When the kids get tired and act like...well, like kids.
When every dish I pull from the dishwasher is dirty, because dish girl gets lazy sometimes and does not rinse them well. When I have to call someone back to sweep the floor after three tries. When the baby gets into everything. When the laundry pile gets bigger and not smaller. When we run out of trash bags and the child in charge of the garbage says, "I did not know I used the last one!" When the vacuum cleaner smells like you vacuumed up a whole family of plastic Lego people when you turn it on.... Do you get the picture?

I probably sound extremely whiny right now. That's not my intent. I promise. I want other struggling moms and homemakers out there to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Most of us have days like this.

Find your triggers. Try to notice when you are most crabby. Like I said before, this has been a very busy week for us. I have not been home a lot. The times I have been home have not been productive times. I know I can avoid becoming like this by, having a routine in place, staying home more, making most of my days productive, not being afraid to take a day and rest during the week. Rest meaning simple chores, reading, crafting..., letting go of my perfection, training my children in their jobs better and then checking up on them, consistently.

I am willing to bet that a lot of my feelings today are centered around a cluttered house. A home that does not feel safe and secure. Whats the remedy? Get off my blessed assurance and get rid of some of the clutter! :) I really need to accomplish something today around the house to get out of my funk. It always works. I am still plugging away at the laundry. Discouraged because its such a big chore and it does not seem to be going away. That's the beauty of before and after pics. I can look back at the beginning and see the progress.
I have been reading through Psalms the past few weeks. Its beautiful. Here is the perfect Psalm for today:

Psalms 4:1-8, "Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer. O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? how long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? Selah. But know that the LORD hath set apart him that is godly for himself: the LORD will hear when I call unto him. Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah. Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the LORD. There be many that say, Who will shew us any good? LORD, lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon us. Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased. I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety."

Be Blessed!

More?

Feeling a bit restless today. Have not really accomplished a whole lot, but I am drained and worn out from all the stuff I have been thinking about.

Have you ever looked at your life and wanted something more? Something different?
Not in a "identity" way. I mean in a good way. Like I want my kids to have a more stable mom. A mom who has fun. A mom who takes the time to play and read. A mom who is gentle and kind.
I want my husband to have a wife that is not constantly trying to take control. Not constantly trying to get her way. A wife who is more helpful and sweet. Encouraging.
I want a home that is more organized and efficient. A home where the laundry does not pile up and smoosh a passing toddler. :) A home that is welcoming and safe for all who enter it's door. A home my family and I want to be at.
I want a life more filled with simplicity and quietness. Not the quietness that comes from not having five beautiful blessings making our home joyful. But a peaceful kind of quiet. One that you can rest in and be recharged.
I want to be able to provide better for my family. I want to garden and shop frugally. I want to sew. I want to sit around at night with a project to keep my hands busy.

Let me tell you a little about myself. I am uptight sometimes. I am a control freak. I am a perfectionist. I am a bit of a sluggard. I am angry... a lot. My daily prayer journal records many, many, many prayers asking God to replace the bad in me with good. I beg and cry out to replace my uptightness with a calm and peaceful spirit. My controlling ways with faith and hope. My perfectionism with grace and mercy. My laziness with motivation and creativity. My anger with love, joy and laughter.

I know that He is working on me. I do see some improvement. I know that God has to do some surgery on me and take out the bad to make way for the good. I have grand ideas and goals. I think most of them are straight from the Father. I just need to sit back and let Him work in His time. Ahh.. the control thing again.
He has given Dh and I a real heart and vision for our family. We have so many desires and such a short time to work them out. I have had to let go of my perfect little family vision and embrace the family vision God has allowed us. One with children who try us everyday. Hurting children with scars from their past that we have to help heal. Children who were born sinners and need love and guidance. A safe place. BOUNDARIES!
As the time draws shorter and shorter we need to focus on the godly things instilled in our children. Godly parents who love God more each day and share that with their children. A mother who sets the example of God's love by guarding and keeping the home. Keeping it safe and welcoming. Keeping the evil out. Filling every nook and cranny with the love of Jesus Christ. The grace of God. The voice of the Holy Spirit.
Education that does not hinder their walk with Christ or their parents. I need to let go of some of my standards and ideals when it comes to school work. I need to not make my children miserable (or myself for that matter) every day at school time. I need to focus on the younger children a bit more. Reading with them. Teaching them to read. I need to focus more on real life stuff with my older girls. The Bible! Applying it's principles. Math is of great importance. Language Arts is of great importance. BUT the Bible needs to be the foundation they are building on.

Proverbs 1:7, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction."

Proverbs 2:6, "For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding."

Proverbs 9:10, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding."

I am the mother of this home. The wife of this home. The keeper of this home. Attitudes start and stop with me each day! I need to let God work in my life. Not hold onto things so tightly.

Please pray for me. I am going to open up to the Lord more this week. I am going to ask Him more earnestly to refine me. He has given me a lot to think on. A lot to ponder. Apart from Him I can do nothing.

Be Blessed!!

Victory

Oh I want these so badly. They are, or were, right in our price range at around $50 at least until the end of today. I had dh's permission to buy them. I had visions of sitting my children down and watching them as a family. Dh and I are concerned and passionate right now about passing on our vision of multi generational faithfulness to our children right now. What a great resource.
Then came the phone call. $1800 to rebuild our transmission on our only working car.
Dh never said after the phone call that I could not go ahead and order. Even he admitted that if I were to go ahead and order it would be ok. BUT I knew that this was my submission without manipulation test. I knew he was stressing about the van. I knew it was going to put a financial strain on us. I knew I could wait and ask for the DVDs for Christmas. Who knows maybe VF will put them on sale again.
I DID IT! I said no, I will just wait. What a great feeling knowing that I was truly submissive. I'm sure later on today or tomorrow I will slip and fall again. I think though with every victory, small though it may be we gain ground. We gain insight and wisdom.
Thank you, Lord for the strength to not give into my wants and desires when I know its not the best thing for my family.

I am not bragging on myself. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... I just want others to see that God is always faithful to strengthen us if we are willing to step out in faith. I struggle daily with being submissive and obedient not only to my sweet Dh but to my Lord.
Hang in there, my sisters! God sees your struggles. He hears your cries! He will strengthen you!

Be Blessed!