The Empty Womb

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord. Psalm 113:9

This verse has ALWAYS brought me such comfort. It has also reminded me of God's promises. As I look around at my wonderful children I realize I am the woman that verse speaks of! I am the barren woman who keeps the home and is the joyful mother of children. Only now He has blessed me AGAIN! This time by taking my barren womb and creating life. What an awesome God He is.

I know the infertility is a struggle for so many women. I know the longing of an empty womb. The Bible even tell us in Proverbs 30 that a barren womb is one of the things that will never be satisfied or say, "It is enough".

I have changed my diet radically over the past few years. Moving away from processed foods to more Whole/Real food options. Cutting out white sugars, pastas, rice, breads.. moving towards whole grain options.

I did find out that high blood sugar is a big cause of infertility. It creates a not so inviting environment for sp*rm.

I am not 100% sure why God chose this season for our blessing. I do know that He has perfect timing. I am so very grateful to be able to share that God does indeed hear our prayers and is faithful to answer them.

I remember Roy pointing out at one point when I was struggling with being "broken" as a woman, that he could not think of one time in the Bible that a woman cried out to God for a baby and her prayer was not answered. I clung to that hope.

I am so very blessed to be able to share our journey with others. I hope our story in some way blesses you. I am praying for you dear sister with an empty womb. I am praying for your arms to be filled and for God to give you peace in this season of your life. I pray that you are encouraged by my story. That you will not give up praying to God, the creator of Life. Maybe His answer will be different than you want, but He is perfect. He always has our best in mind.

Be Blessed!!

For This Child..

I have prayed!
Oh how the words of Hannah's heart speak to me today.
What a blessing and a joy to be the bearer of a special person from God.
The ultrasound today was FANTASTIC! I was so pleased with the results. A few things to discuss and investigate further but most everything seemed fine.
In four weeks I go for a fetal echo cardiogram. And of course another picture of our newest blessing. I could have looked at baby all day long. :) Especially when baby waved. Awesome.
Now, for the surprises.
At my first OB appointment I was estimated to be between 10-12 weeks. Today my OB had put my estimated due date as July 26th. Imagine the joy I felt when the sonogram technician said they would have to knock some time off of my due date. A fully month. We are now looking at around June 24th. Yes, please. :) Do you realize I made it through almost the whole first trimester completely ignorant of the growing person inside of me? AMAZING!
The second surprise, floored DH and I. If you remember this post from a couple of years ago, God clearly pressed on my heart the name of a little boy. This was our promised baby. His name was straight from God. We just knew that Gideon would soon be joining our family. Well... Gideon will have to wait, because Miss Lily Grace is going to come first. A GIRL! I'm ecstatic! Have you seen how cute the baby girl clothes are?? Have you?? Of course the first thing I said was, " I don't think I can afford a girl!" LOL It was all with a smile and grin. Of course we can afford a girl. God has already planned on it. :)
How thrilled are mom and dad and sisters? The girls keep confirming her name. They are talking of dresses and pinks and purples. I see a girly explosion in our future.
How thrilled are the boys? Eh. They don't care. I for one am looking forward to watching them be big brothers to a little girl. Sounds like fun to me!
So thank you for all the prayers. Please continue to lift baby up as there is one thing we are not sure about. We are trusting God no matter what. I know that I will always have this baby girl. She is named. She is wanted. She is loved.

Be Blessed!

Give Thanks

This has been a long, trying year for my family. I am ready to see it go. Illness, loss, death, divorce... the list goes on. As I talk to other Christians I hear the same theme throughout. Depression sneaks in and we loose our joy. Our purpose changes from the "big picture" mentality to just getting through today.
I'll be the first to admit there have been times I have walked away from my Bible reading and daily prayer time. I just did not want to be friends anymore. But as I look back through my prayer journal I see that when I came back I came back broken and repentant. I found God waiting for me with arms held out. I would just cling to His awesome grace and mercy for a time, then something would happen and I would sulk off again.
But something else was happening. I was noticing that we had food to eat, money to pay our bills and a few extras. I noticed that each trial brought me to a new place with God. The Bible became more than just a daily reading to me. It became a lifeline between me and God. My spirit was confirmed and convicted appropriately as I read through the crinkly onion skin pages.
Through it all life began to really make sense. Make sense in the way that I realized this world is so very temporary.
I realized that I was reading my Bible and praying as a ritual to get me through the day. Surely if I read my Bible and jot down my thoughts to God then my day will go smoothly. No. What I found was that on days that did not go smoothly if I spent some time with the Lord I could handle it better.
There is no promise of happiness and comfort. Only of peace and joy. Two very different things.
Peace in the midst of discomfort because I know God is by my side perhaps even carrying me through. Joy in the midst of unhappiness because I know that this too shall pass. Joy because Jesus is my heart and soul not this world and her pleasures.
The girls and I are keeping gratitude journals. Each morning we write five things we are thankful for and each night before bed we write five more things. We plan to share these with the family on New Years Eve.
Do I know for sure that 2010 will be a better year? No. I sure hope it will be, but the one thing I do know for sure is that God will never leave me nor forsake me.
Right after we started the gratitude journals I read these verses in Psalms 77.

Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more?

Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth [his] promise fail for evermore?

Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.

And I said, This [is] my infirmity: [but I will remember] the years of the right hand of the most High.

I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.

I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.

Thy way, O God, [is] in the sanctuary: who [is so] great a God as [our] God?

Thou [art] the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people.

Thou hast with [thine] arm redeemed thy people, the sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah.

When I think God has forgotten me or is just cutting me off I can go back to my gratitude journal and realize that He has given me so much more than I deserve.

Be Blessed!

Home Again, Home Again

I had another quick trip out of town. This time to welcome into the world a new baby. My oldest and best friend became a real grandmother this past weekend for the first time. Because she was a lot like a mom to me growing up my kids call her Grandma Karen. But this baby is a part of her oldest son.
I was thrilled to be there in the waiting room at 3am Friday morning. I loved being there around noon time yesterday when baby and mama came home. I got to snuggle with her for awhile yesterday.
Children surely are a blessing from the Lord! I can not wait for our promised baby. I know it's all in the Lord's timing, but oh how impatient I get sometimes.
For now I will just rejoice with others as they welcome their little ones and I will pray faithfully that the Lord will open my womb up soon!

Be Blessed!

Through this season

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1

As I grow older the above verse makes more and more sense to me. I understand the different seasons of my life a little bit more.

As the mother of children ranging in ages of 3-12 I realize that I am at a very unique season of life.

As the wife of a man with parents in their 70s I understand that this season is a time of selflessness.

The sandwich generation is what they are calling it. Adults who are caring not only for the needs of their own children, but also taking care of ailing parents.

This past week Dh and I experienced this in a whole new way. My father in law had hip replacement surgery so we loaded up our kids and our van and left on Thursday night. He had some complications so when we got there he'd been moved from his rehab back to the hospital. Fortunately my SIL, a CNA, was staying with his mother during this time so she was able to tell us about the complication and everything that went with it. In the end it turned out to be pretty minor and he was sent back to rehab on Friday.
Friday we took my SIL to the airport and it was game on for our family. We were left to care for my MIL. It was a very trying weekend and on Sunday Dh sent the kids and I home for a day or two of respite. I spent all day Monday in prayer and asking for prayer from others. I also started the second half of our school year. I knew due to certain circumstances that I would be able to successfully school at my in laws home on Wed. and Thurs. So instead of postponing everything I went ahead and started.
Tuesday afternoon I loaded the kids and the car back up and headed back down ready to be a better helpmeet to my husband.



The next few days were hard, but Roy and I had a couple of opportunities to share Jesus with my MIL. I was given new insight into the absolute utter lostness of man apart from Jesus that has completely changed my heart. With God's help I made it to Friday before I snapped and only just a little bit. My kids were able to see what a difference our home is to a lost person's home. They were also given opportunity to serve and honor their grandparents.
Through all the downs and downs God sustained us and made us stronger with every passing day. He gave my FIL healing in such a sense that we were able to return home as a family on Friday after he got out of rehab.
God has also given us some new decisions to make. One is whether we will be moving closer to them. They are only about 3.5 hours away right now, but that is still a hoof with a van full of kids. Also with a home of our own down there I believe we would be better able to minister to them physically and spiritually without neglecting our small children.
Roy is not really sure yet this is the direction he wants to take. It was hard on him the last few days. He is praying through the possibility. Me? My bags are packed. But then that's why I married a Mr. Steady to keep me from making rash moves.
In the end I realize I could have been more gracious and had more of a servant's heart. I am so thankful that God is teaching me through all of this. I am starting to see my theme for the year run it's way through this part of my life. The theme of choosing joy and letting go of my happiness. Maybe that's what the first half of the year was about. Getting me to this place where I can easily say that yes, moving closer to them is an option. An option I would be open to and sincerely content with.

Who knows where God is taking us this time. LOL

Be Blessed!

A Psalm For Every Season

In the morning before my prayer time I read through three chapters of Psalms. At Psalms 119 I split it up into about four days. They have been such a blessing on my life. When I was going through this I read Psalms about God's protection and His vengeance on those who came against His people. So, comforting.

Psalms 91:9-10, "Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling."

Psalms 140:4-5, "Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from the violent man; who have purposed to overthrow my goings. The proud have hid a snare for me, and cords; they have spread a net by the wayside; they have set gins for me. Selah."
When I am at my wit's end with Children who I just don't understand God gives me Psalms about his grace and mercy. Words that I can apply to my children and pray over them.


Psalms 144:12-15, "That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace: That our garners may be full, affording all manner of store: that our sheep may bring forth thousands and ten thousands in our streets: That our oxen may be strong to labour; that there be no breaking in, nor going out; that there be no complaining in our streets. Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the LORD."

Psalms 128:2-4, "For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD."

Psalms 112:1-3, "Praise ye the LORD. Blessed is the man that feareth the LORD, that delighteth greatly in his commandments. His seed shall be mighty upon earth: the generation of the upright shall be blessed. Wealth and riches shall be in his house: and his righteousness endureth for ever."

Psalms 103:17-18, "But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children; To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them."

Psalms 32:8, "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye."

Some days are just days of worship. The Psalms are full of worship. Praise to God. Glorifying His name and who HE is, it's a wonderful time.

Psalms 16:8, "I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved."

Psalms 62:1-2, "Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved."

Psalms 89:1, I will sing of the mercies of the LORD for ever: with my mouth will I make known thy faithfulness to all generations."

Psalms 139:13-14, "For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

Some Psalms are Psalms to call me to repentance. Psalms that touch me so deeply that I can't help but cry out to God for forgivness and renewal!

Psalms 139:1-6, "O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it."

Psalms 119:9-16, "Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word. With my whole heart have I sought thee: O let me not wander from thy commandments. Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee. Blessed art thou, O LORD: teach me thy statutes. With my lips have I declared all the judgments of thy mouth. I have rejoiced in the way of thy testimonies, as much as in all riches. I will meditate in thy precepts, and have respect unto thy ways. I will delight myself in thy statutes: I will not forget thy word."

Psalms 51:2-17, " Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness. O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise. For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise."

And oh, so many more. May the Psalms bring you whatever you need in this season of your life.

Be Blessed!

The Arrows

These are our pictures from Christmas. High time I got them up, huh? LOL


My two boys. Brothers through and through. Adrian Charles and Jonathan David. My gifts from a loving and gracious God. Adrian can copy anything. Building with legos or drawing. He has a real talent. Jonathan... well we don't know about that kid. He is pretty sure he is his daddy. He follows Roy around with a screwdriver trying to fix everything. Roy let him help pull the nails out of something the other day. He thought he was grown.
A family. God has so blessed me. Psalms 113:9, "He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD."

Look at those cheesy kids. They are a mess. Jonathan just wants the cookie I have. Yes, I bribed him with a cookie. Every picture you see of him smiling or at least not crying involves a cookie.

In this one you can clearly see the words "Cookie" coming from Cookie Monsters mouth. I believe this is when I first walked in with the cookie. Look at the little ladies all prim and proper. What a mess this bunch is!


Attitude. Yes. That's what it's all about. That tall girl in the pink. She is 12 going on 30. Yep. Karly Rose, Kelsie Ann and Tamara Kathleen. They are princesses. They are sisters. They are sweet. They are sassy. But they are my dolls. How could I not take joy in the blessings the Lord has given me?

Psalms 127:3-5, "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate."

Choosing Joy

I hope my last post did not lead anyone to think that I am sad or depressed. I recognize the trials we are going through as growing our faith. I have a bad cold and every morning I wake up I can choose to be lazy and sick or I can choose to get up and be joyful. Through the stuffy nose and aches I am counting my blessings. It's a choice I make.

I have been resting more because I recognize that a cold is the body's way of saying, "Slow down!" But I am not depressed or staying to my bed. That would only make it worse for me.

I admit I have had a few days of questioning God. I have had times of wanting to give up and wallow in self pity. Ok, I might have taken a moment or two out for self pity, but it did not help any. What has helped is choosing joy.

I said before that their is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is an emotion you feel when things are going your way or you are pleased. Joy is a response you choose no matter what life's situation is. I have had people tell me that I am being fake by pretending to be joyful when I am not. But tell me, what is accomplished by wearing a sad face? By going around saying, "Woe is me!"? What do I accomplish when I tell everyone my troubles and no one my blessings?

My family is healthy. We have food to eat. We have a house to live in. My husband has a job. I am able to be with my children. I have children. Jesus loves me. Tell me what more could I ask for?

God is good. God is faithful. I have nothing to fear. When I hurt He feels it. When I am sad He feels it. When I am thankful He feels it.

God, I am so very thankful! You have blessed me beyond measure. If all my praise is saved up for the good times, how will I get through the hard times? I will praise you when I feel weak and downtrodden. I will praise you on the mountain and in the valley. Nothing can separate me from your love.

AMEN!!

Be Blessed!

When God Speaks

So God has really been working me over the last few weeks. Apparently this is going to be my year to have more faith, trusting Him in everything. It's also going to be my year to stop worrying about my happiness and focus on what He wants me to do. I also have been struggling with where my focus and priorities lie and He wants to deal with that. We won't even go into the spiritual warfare I am dealing with even as we speak. All of that has been... trying. I spent Monday pouring my heart out to Him and basically asking Him to slow down a little. Then I spent Tuesday telling Him that I was wrong. He can move at whatever pace He deems necessary. Wednesday I decided that His pace was going to kill me. By today I was a.. basket case. LOL (It has a little bit to do with hormones right now.. IM SURE!)

The first few weeks of this month have been ROUGH. In a good way, I guess. In an, "Ok, watch what I can do in your life!" way. Around me marriages are falling apart. I have held grown women in my arms who I could literally feel their hearts breaking. Mine broke too. Other families I am close to are dealing with troubles. My kids are really showing some of their deep seeded behavior issues. Our finances are.. wacky! Our van is trying to warn us not so subtly that it won't be around forever. "Guys! I'm almost 12 years old and I'm your only vehicle. That's a lot of work," says the van. Dave Ramsey is reminding us we need a thousand dollar emergency fund, yesterday. My husband works in an office full of women. He is miserable. I have a friend dealing with health issues that are just breaking her. I cried Tuesday. I cried for our nation. I cried for my kids. I watched the helicopter with President Bush fly away and then watched President Obama sit behind the desk and I welled up a little. The list could go on. And that's just from this year. I'm thinking of crawling back into bed until 2010.

But the big picture here is God's providence. He knows whats going on. He sees. As I held a friend who was hurting recently I prayed out loud. "God You see our hurt, and You hurt so much more for us." I have to remember that. God does not have plans to harm us. He only wants the best for us.

It's hard though. You see your only means of transportation slipping away and you are not in a place where you can replace it. You see the floors that would allow you to open your home again for friends and family slip away for the third year in a row and you want to ask, "Why?" You watch your husband get mangled every day at work. And you cry. God knows. Maybe we won't know anytime soon what the purpose is. Maybe it's just a test of our faith. It's hard though.

I'm so tired. By nature I am not a crier, but this week alone I have had nothing but tears it feels like. God is calling on me to focus on Him, trust Him, and die to myself. I'm trying, God. I'm really trying!

PRAISE HIM!

This is what we listen to every morning during our PE time! :)
This can get you out of a funk quick. Turn it up and GO!