A cry for help....

As I read through this website today I was touched by this young man. I pray that there are those out there willing to help this family adopt him.

Please got to Help Misha to find out how!

A New Rant

Recently on a message board I am a part of someone posted this article link. It started a big discussion on homeschoolers and foster care. This has had me thinking for the past few days. Pondering even.

Everywhere I turn homeschool families are adopting from other countries. That's great! I have dreams of adopting from China someday. However, many homeschool families are turned off of foster care because in most states you can not homeschool foster children.
I know some people don't think this is a big deal, but after dealing with the foster care system and my children in public school I won't be doing that again. I had no say in their education. My five year old turned into a different child. My 8 year old was humiliated and taught things contrary to our beliefs and values. God willing I will not send any of my children to public school again.
What would it be like to a child who has been shipped around to different homes or ripped out of their home to be sent off to school while the other children of the home stay home with mom all day? It seems like it would be heartbreaking and isolating to that child.

I just heard recently that they are trying to have all foster children sent to daycare or preschool a few days a week whether someone can be home with them or not. These are children in desperate need of some bonding and we are to cart them off. The excuse is so they can be visible. Well, I had workers at my house every week. Not to mention Guardian Ad Litems and case managers. Then there were all the mandatory therapy visits. Not to mention visitations with families. There are children very visible, but they are still being abused. In my time as a foster parent I met foster families who could care less about these kids. They saw it as doing a favor. The children were never part of their families. I asked one worker about it and she sighed and said they had had other reports on this one particular family but nothing substantiated. How did going to school protect these kids?

I am also of the opinion that if you are the soon to be adoptive parents of a child you should be allowed to homeschool. Part of the six month wait is to see how the child acclimates to the home and how the parents do with the child. Well, is it really a true vision if the minute the child is adopted the lifestyle changes? I literally went from the courthouse to the school board on adoption day. There was less than a month left of school but I was at the end of my rope.
What makes me sad is these families have a strong vision of family. They truly believe children are a blessing from the Lord and they want to add to their families through adoption. I think DCF is really missing out on a host of GREAT families because of the homeschool rule. Do I think that only homeschool families love children and would be great families? NO! But I think that homeschool families who love children would be a huge asset to the state.
A lot of these children are behind academically. Wouldn't it be great to have the one on one time a parent at home could offer through homeschool? My 11 year old just finished up her third grade math book, because when she came home two years ago she was so far behind we had to do second grade all over. Part of this is because in her short 8 years of life my child had no less than 5 schools. All that by 2nd grade. She never had a chance to excel. When we brought her home changes started instantly.
I don't know what it would take to have the state see homeschool foster/adopt families as a good thing. I want to foster again. I would love to. We had thought we found a way by only taking in kids 2 and younger, but if they are going to make us put them in day care they can hang that up.

It will be at least 2 years before we go that route again. Maybe things will change for the better.

I would still encourage Christian families to look into foster care and foster/adopt. There is a real need.

Be Blessed!

I posted this, November 11, 2005. We adopted our little boy, his brother and the three sisters in April of 2006. To date this is my absolute favorite post about being a foster parent. Its real. I can still feel these emotions every time I read the post. Recently I found out every child in my care that went back to their "loving" homes is now back in the system. Four little children, all with brothers and sisters in other homes, back in the system. Four children the Lord chose to send me, but not let me keep. Believe me I would have kept ever last one of them. For the time they were with me, they were my babies and I guess in a way they always will be.

Ok first of all I love being a foster parent. I love having a house full of children.

The system stinks and I know that...believe me... I KNOW that. Sometimes they take children who should not be taken. Sometimes they leave children when they should be taken. Sometimes they give parents too many chances. Sometimes they don't give parents enough chances.

The children who have come into our home have come because or abuse, neglect, unsafe home conditions, and one because mom would not get rid of the boyfriend.

I have had one little guy in my care for 1.5 years. He has been in care for two years. He came in at 6 months old. Do the math and you know I'm his mommy, hubby is his daddy. End of story. We are supposed to start termination of parental rights with him next week. It could take one day for the judge to sign the order and then a 30 day appeal process. It could take one month to years! His mom has done nothing to try to get him back this year. It should not take this long.

I have three little girls that we will soon be adopting.They have been in care for 3 years. Their mother took off about a year ago and never came back. It still took 6 months to get her rights terminated.

I had two little girls with me for awhile. Sweet as could be. When they came into care with their two month old baby brother they were severely neglected. When CPS picked the children up there was no food in the house and the baby had tea in his bottle. The children were in our care for one month, the baby was at another foster home we did not have room. They were sent to live with grandparents even though CPS said that the grandparents were at the house and knew the state the children lived in and did not recommended the relative placement. Six months later the baby now 9 months old had not gained any weight and the girls were also showing failure to thrive. They are back in the system and probably going up for adoption. Oh, how I long for a fifteen passenger van. That's the only thing stopping me from making the call. They will probably be separated for adoption. Not many people will take three children. All this transpired over a year.

I had a little boy for awhile who was one of four. His older brother was five and could not talk, ate everything in sight, and could not sleep in a bed. He had to sleep on the floor. His older sister was three. She'd been run over by a truck at 18 months of age and had none of the surgeries she needed that could have saved her sight, allowed her to have a normal mouth full of teethe, or straightened bones that would help her grow. CPS put all of the children back with the mother ( they were taken from her ex husband) even though she left them in a dangerous environment and obviously medically neglected her daughter. They left the three year old in care in a medical foster home so she could continue medical treatments.

"How do you do it?" I'm always asked this question. I do it because... well because somebody has to. I do it with a sense of humor. Do any of the stories above make you laugh? NOPE. But there are things in the day to day life of dealing with the system that you learn to laugh at.

Its not funny when a child hordes food, but you laugh when you see the imaginative places they have hidden it.

Its not funny when the biological mother of a child complains to you about the baby snatchers coming to her house and how she did nothing wrong even though the child came into your home covered in bruises or other emotional scars that you cant just kiss away, but you have to laugh the way she is whining to you. She obviously thinks you are going to believe she is the victim!

Is it funny when a bio misses her third court appearance because she is "sick". No, but you learn to laugh when the General Magistrate looks around the room and says, "Well that's convenient. Make sure we send her a get well card!"

So you learn to laugh. Unfortunately, you learn to make some new friends. Other foster parents who will laugh with you because otherwise people are going to think you are strange. :) We laugh, we pray and we hope. That's our secret.

I have done a lot of posts on being a foster parent. I want other people to be foster parents. Especially Christians. I want people to love these children unconditionally. I don't want to think I have to save them all. I want to think that there are others out there like me who just want to win the lottery so they can buy a couple of buses and a big house with a lot of land.

I decided to give you guys reality here. I wanted you to know that sometimes they will call you at 10:30pm to take a child for a day or two, leave him with you for a month, and then one day out of the blue call and say you have half an hour to get him ready because he is going home. Your husband and your children in school wont even be able to tell him goodbye. You wont be able to understand why, despite the horror stories you have heard from his worker, his Guardian Ad Litem, and his assessment worker, he is going back to the hell he came from.

I want you to know that sometimes they will come and take the sweetest little blond curly headed girl home only to put her back in care six months later with a haunted look in her eyes, that was not there when she left your house.

I want you to know that you will have some workers who care more about getting their papers signed than about listening to your concerns or answering questions about the children.

I want you to know that it is worth every hassle you go through. Every scream of frustration that leaves your mouth. Every tear you cry! There is nothing in life quiet as fulfilling as to know that you could be the love and support and encouragement that a child might never have had. That you can be a child's safe harbor even if only for a little while.

To teach a child the Jesus loves him and will never leave him is a gift in and of itself. To teach that to a child that will find himself alone and hurting again and again..is a miracle. Thank you God for giving me this privilege!

Fosterparents.com is the best place for resources on how you can become a foster parent that I have found. I will add some more foster parent links after I go through my files to see what I have.

Fosterparent Q and A

This post is from August 27, 2005. Someone left me a comment with the following questions and I answered them to the best of my ability.

Enjoy!

I have tried to make this pretty, but for some reason blogger does not want to cooperate. Im sorry for the way it looks.

How many kids of your own do you have and how many foster kids?

All the children I have right now (5) are foster children. We should begin the adoption process on our three girls sometime next month and then it could take MONTHS to finish it. As far as children of our own we pray everyday that God would open my womb. We have faith that He one day will... kinda funny story. The state of Florida says you can only have five children in your home as a foster parent. (Sometimes they make exceptions as you saw) Hubby and I were discussing it one day and wondering maybe if we were not supposed to adopt our five children from the state and then God would give us our own biological children. We know we would love to have a big family so we are kinda wondering if that is God's plan because like I said before we both firmly believe that the day will come when I have my own baby.

How do you give the foster kids the sense of stability/permenancy that they deserve and need even though they and you know they will be moving on again?

PRAYER! The minute the child comes through our door we pray pray pray over them. Claim them as our own and cover them with protection. One thing you dont know is what kind of evil these children have attached to them. We just start at the beginning and pray it all off of them. No we dont wail and scream and shake the child. We simply hold him and claim him as our own. My husband claims fatherhood over the child which puts him in the spiritual leader seat. We believe that as long as that child is with us God recognizes us as his parents. We also have a policy that we will keep the child until they go back to thier parents. NO matter how difficult. Now of course we would have to reevaluate this policy if a child entered our home who was a threat to any other children already in our care. We also accept each child as our own for however long he is here. We take them on trips, to family outings, out to eat... whatever we are doing. Now this might sound like common sense but believe it or not some foster children spend more time away from thier foster family then they do with them.

How long do you typically have foster kids?

Well in the year and 3 months we have been doing this we have had our 2 year old for one year and 3 months. We had two little girls from Labor day til the middle of October. We have had our two girls since the middle of October. We got a little boy the Friday before Mother's day and he is still here probably will be til after the first of the year. We got another two year old right before the fourth of July and he went home this week. We got our other little girl in the middle of July and will be adopting her. So out of 8 children so far we have only had three leave us and they were only here for about a month.

Do they get along well with your own kids?

We dont have children of our own but I will tell you I am amazed at how well all the different children get along. They basically behave like siblings. Fighting one minute defending to the death the next. They are all rather bossy but seem to handle each other well.

How do you assure that your own kids' needs are met while meeting the special challenges associated with many foster kids?

Honestly, we have not had hardly any special challenges. I believe that prayer has kept us from some of the tragic stories you hear about these foster children. Believe me when I say all of these children in my home right now have every right to be bitter, resentful, distrustful.. but they are not. They are happy well adjusted little people. Just like anyone else's children. They get into trouble like other's children as well. They are by no means perfect but I have not seen any behavior that is not typical for another child thier age. I have had someone at almost every agency we have worked with remark that my children do not resembe typical foster children. All I can tell you is that God is the authority over our children. We establish that day one by giving the child to God. We also use consistantcy. Consistant love, consistant discipline, consistant expectations. The children THRIVE on consistency. Its like I tell most people about my eight year old who is my biggest challange to date behavior wise... she has had eight year of inconsistant harsh discipline. With one month of consistant loving discipline I alread see changes in her. Such as true repentance when she does wrong and a heart seeking after God.I love being a mommy no matter whose children they are. All of my children but one call me mommy and the one who doesnt came from a very loving home where his mom made some mistakes.

God gives us strength patience and perserverance when we think we cant take one more step. We are so blessed to be the parents to these children and if we had our way we would NEVER stop fostering. I hope I answered all of your questions. I hope others would feel free to ask questions about fostering. There is a lot of stuff not understood. One thing is sure though we need good solid Christian homes to foster. Too many times these children are put in a godless home where they are given the basics but do not get hugs and I love yous. One goal I have for each child in my care is that they leave my home knowing the words to Jesus Loves Me. If they can sing that song then they can understand that they are never alone and that Jesus always loves them.

A Snippet.

A snippet of a post from August 5, 2005 answering a question about fostercare.

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I would love to know how you and your husband got involved in adopting foster kids.

Anna, when we first started the foster care process we had to take foster/adopt classes. The classes were the same for everyone. We did not go into this to just adopt because you can get a wider range of kids if you start out fostering. Of course adoptive foster parents have more of a chance of actually getting children placed with them that are either already at the stage of TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) or very close to it. With being foster parents first we generally have to wait for TPR and even deal with the children going back to their Biological parents. We went in knowing this and deciding that if God would grant us any of these children we would take them. My mom gets a little perturbed when we tell her that another child in our home will be going up for adoption. She has told me many times that I cant adopt them all... not sure why though! :) The three girls we will be adopting came to us in the middle of trying to get TPRd. They'd been in states care for a year and a half and mom had left the state. I have one little guy right now who was taken at 6 months of age. The next 6 months of his life were spent in two-three different foster homes. Then at one year of age he came to me and has been with me ever since. He will be 2.5 in October and will have been in care for 2 years (with me for 1.5 years). Supposedly if a child has been in care for 18 months out of 22 months he is to be placed for permanancy (basically TPR or send him back) this is almost never the case as the state bends over backwards to give children back to thier bios. Understandable Im sure but if a mom cant do what the state has asked her to do after two years... well.. that should be the end of it. She obviously does not really care about getting her child back. Its a hard road but we love the children and really feel as if we are doing what God has called us to do. As far as birth order.. the classes suggest you take no children older than your oldest biological child. A lot of people only take children younger than their youngest. We did not have this problem as we had no children of our own but now we have to be a little more careful taking placements. So far the only birth order problem we have found is when we got our other two year old a few weeks ago our two year old A had many problems adjusting! He just flat did not like E and made sure he knew it by hitting, snatching, biting, pushing and yelling at him.I hope this answers your question. If I can be of any more help please let me know! That goes for anyone who has any questions about foster care. We need good Christian homes to raise up these children and at least give them a foundation.

I Am A Wife and Mother

Here is a post from Feb 2005. I had just started blogging. This details some of the beginning of our foster care journey.

I am a wife to a wonderful godly man. We met on the internet at ChristianMatchmaker.com about 6 years ago next month. We have been married for four years. He is my Mr. Steady and I love him for it. About two and a half years ago I decided I wanted to be a foster parent. He grinned and agreed. My Mr. Steady. We worked on paperwork and classes and homestudies for about 4 months and we were ready to go. Unfortunatly due to high turnover at the agency, lost paperwork, privitization, and just plain incompetance it took us a year and a half to get licensed. The day after we got licensed we got a little boy. He was 13 months old when we got him, he is now 22 months old. He has blond hair and blue eyes and because of confidentiality I will have to call him A on the blog. He is so smart and happy and friendly. We could not have asked for a better child. We almost got to adopt him but things happen and now his parents are working on their case plan. They still have about 6 months - a year to go so you never know what will happen. We might still get to adopt him. Its all in God's hands. In September of 2004 we got two little girls. They were sisters, 1 and 2. The one year old had little blond curls and was always smiling and wanting to be held. She was an angel. The 2 year old had brown hair and the most amazing blue eyes. She was so very very smart it was amazing. They went to live with their grandparents in October. The day they left I called placement and said I needed them to fill the two beds that were just vacated. Sure enough I got a phone call for three little girls. I could only take two so they brought me the younger two. K is 4 almost 5 and has blond hair (almost frosted looking the kind people pay good money for) she is so incredibly beautiful. T is 3 years old and has light brown hair and blue eyes and a smile that would knock you down. She is so cute! Their sister K is 7 almost 8 and has brown hair and dark brown eyes. She is so pretty. She lives in a different foster home right now because we dont have room in our car for her. We are praying daily for a minivan. The girls will probably go up for adoption sometime this year we so would like to adopt them but have not even mentioned it because we have not been able to move the older girl over yet. They will have to be adopted together. I would not have it any other way. I tell you all that because I want you to know how happy I am. Since I was 4 years old I always knew I wanted a lot of children. I think when I was 11 I decided 10 would be a good number. I always knew I wanted to marry my prince charming and on December 15, 2000 I did. I desperately want a baby of my own to hold but God has not blessed us there yet. He has however given me many children and I believe the promise of many more. I love being a wife and mommy but I always have to remember that first I am a child of God. You see my God is a jealous God (Exodus 20:5) He wants me to put NOTHING ahead of Him. I have to remember that as I rush around in the morning forgetting prayer and Bible reading. My husband can not come before God and neither can my precious precious children. Another thing I need to remember, and I learned this before I even got married, my husband is number 2! Not my children. Not my friends. Not my church. Not my family. And most assuredly not myself. I heeded the teaching of older wiser women in the Lord who chastened me to always put my husband before my children. You see one day your children will be grown and gone and you will still be looking across the dinner table at the man you married. Don't let that man be a stranger. The Bible tells us that woman was made for her husband (1 Corinthians 11:9). Not for her children. Please dont neglect your children. God does not want that either. Titus 2:4 tells us we are to love our children. But neither should you neglect your husband for your children. Im trying to think of an example and I asked Prince Charming, "What is something I do to make you feel like you are a higher priority than the children?" His response, "Everything you do." Any doubt why I love this man?? :) Ok here is a small one. Say your child asks to have spaghetti for dinner and hubby asks for meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, and fresh baked bread. You would rather cook one pot spaghetti! Come on admit it...... ;) But you should cook the BIG meal hubby wants. Its just the right thing to do. But do have spaghetti one night soon for your child. My third priority is my children. Those three little angels who sometimes try every bit of patience I have. Last week in particular seemed to be a trying week. Because we are foster parents we have people in and out of our house all the time to see the children. The house was a wreck, the baby was sick, and I was on the phone with the girl's Guardians Ad Litem ( two of the sweetest people in the world) who wanted to come out and visit. So K and I ran around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get at least the living room and the foyer looking decent. We did and I even had time to sit down and breathe before they came. Everything went great. The baby and I had many issues this past week though. He was sick and very whiny and wanted to be held. Now here is something about me that a lot of people might not know, when we take those spiritual gifts tests I always come in lowest on M-E-R-C-Y. My little guy obviously did not know that. For his safety and my sanity he spent a lot of time sleeping while he was sick... :) Im not a completly awful mommy I did hold him a lot but when I just could not take it anymore he ended up in bed where he promptly went to sleep. So it was all good. I believe that being a mommy is a special calling. I always feel like I am somehow missing something and striving to be a better mother. I know that I know that I know that I want my little ones to have a spiritual foundation and I strive every day to bring that about. They are fascinated with God and Jesus and enjoy just sitting down and flipping through their Bibles. The girls enjoy looking at the Bible so much they each got their very own for Christmas. We have nightly Bible reading and prayer as a family and the girls are in the Cubbies program with AWANA and we go over the Bible stories in thier Cubby books every morning. I have also found a Protestant catechism that I want to start the 4 year old girl and possible my three year old girl on. I also do the majority of the discipline since I am home all day with them. Prince Charming has delegated this duty to me and I strive to do a good job so that he can always trust in me. (Proverbs 31:11) I have a verse printed on my heart and when I look at my children I whisper this verse to myself. 3 John 1:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. This is what I desire for my children. That they walk in truth. Well that is a little about me and my family. I hope that you will tell me about your families and what you are doing. I am always looking for wisdom for my role as a wife and a mother

Im an adoptive mom.

I have been thinking about something off and on lately. I will gladly tell anyone that Im an adoptive mom. I think its even mentioned in my profile. I was wondering the other day if it sounds like bragging. I dont want it to. You see, I share that Im an adoptive mom because I want to encourage others. Our road was long and hard. I like to say I was in labor for 3 long years. However, it was worth ever miserable step. It was worth every delay. It was worth every time someone said to me, "wait". I want desperatly to do it all again. I willingly and openly tell people our adoption story because I want them to see God's hand in everything. My children and I talk about it at times and I tell them what a great testimony they have to share. I want them to be excited about adoption. My three girls talk all the time about the kids they want to adopt when they grow up. They know their momma hopes to add to our family again through adoption. I wish more Christians would take up the task.
I dont claim the title of adoptive mom proudly. I claim it humbly. I know that God was the author of the whole thing. I know I had nothing to do but be His willing servant. But I do claim the title. I claim it boldly. I claim it loudly. I claim it for all to hear and to be willing to come forth with questions.
In the next few days I will be reposting some of the blogs I put up about our adoption/fostcare experience. I hope to spark an interest in some that will lead to good homes for these lost children.

Be Blessed.

Questions answered

So how many children all up are you planning on adopting? How old are they? I know you want your own children so how do you think you will manage the mix of birth and adopted children?

We are adopting five children in all at this point. Hopefully in two years we will be moving into a bigger house and maybe getting a bigger vehicle. If those two worlds collide we will be looking to adopt some more children. Yes, we do hope that God blesses us with some children of our own as well. I dont think there will be any problems between birth and adopted children. They will all be loved as much as my heart can love them. These children we are adopting wont be my "adopted" children versus my biological children. They will all just be my children.

Adoption

Word just came through that Adrian's mom and dad signed the surrender papers. This means we should be able to start the adoption process soon. I talked to his mom and dad at the hearing today and she is pregnant. Her due date is January 11, 2006. She does want us to have the baby. Of course a lot can happen between now and then but we are going on faith that we will be the mommy and daddy to little Jonathan David. I dont know anything about newborns as all of my children have come to me at a year of age or older. Should be interesting to learn.
The girls will probably be adopted in January 2006. I talked to thier worker today.

Well gotta get dinner ready.
More later.

Update on our children

I talked to the social worker for the girls yesterday. She has nine adoptions on her plate right now on top of all her other cases. She is working like gang busters to get this one through. She said we are at the top of her list. We might have to wait until January due to some technical difficulties, but Im ok with that as long as it gets done!

Now, our surprise of the week. We went to court for A on Tuesday. We were hoping for a termination of parental rights trial, but his parents were not there. Our worker went by their house to inform them of the trial because they have to be given notice and the place was vacant. The mom called me Fri night and left a message so I gave that number to our worker. If we dont find mom and dad and serve them with the papers we have to wait an additional thirty days for a "dilligent search" search to be made. Anyways, we got our case pushed back to Nov 29. The state appointed lawyer for the mom stops hubby and me on the way out and says he needs to speak with us. He tells us mom wants us to adopt A and his sibling due Jan 11. We dont know for sure if she is pregnant. She has told the caseworker she is but never gave any proof of it. We are trying not to get our hopes up at this point because a million things could happen to change things between now and January...if she even is pregnant. :P
As far as we know she has not given up her bad habits of drugs, drinking and smoking and has had little to no prenatel care so we have been praying for the health of the unborn baby.

We are heading out to North Carolina next week for Thanksgiving with my friend and her family. I have so much to do between now and then. I am so excited. She of course will cook a huge meal and we will stuff ourselves silly and I have already decided that Weight Watchers does not apply on Thanksgiving. I will jump back on program on Friday... I hope. LOL! I have lost 6.2 pounds so far and would like to continue to see a downward spiral.
Ok I better get going busy day of sewing ahead. :)

Questions about foster care

Thank you Julie. I enjoyed reading that very much. My husband and I have never been able to have children and have considered being foster parents. I must say though we have several fears about the whole thing. Some of them are 1) having the government so deeply involved in your life. 2) the emotional torture of having to give a child back to a parent who you KNOW is going to hurt them again. 3) I was on a foster website and ALL the children were listed as having ADD or ADHD and we're thinking, yeah, we know how to take care of kids (I've taught preschool in the past) but having no actual PARENTAL experience are we able to handle a child with ADD or ADHD? And are we going to have to give them drugs constantly? 4) we knew of a family in our Church who were foster parents and the foster kids told the case worker that the dad spanked them---thankfully the caseworker searched out the matter and found out the girl was lying but it's scary to think of being accused of something like that. 5) my husband and I aren't in our 20's anymore (he's in his 40's and I'm in my 30's) so I wonder if we have the stamina for it! (o; 6) my husband works LONG hours so the bulk of it all would fall to me, and though I've taken care of several children before, it's different than actually 'parenting' them. 7)having to deal with the birth parents. 8) As Christians we have certain beliefs about music, dress, etc...how do you tell a child who's been listening to rock music his/her whole life that it is not allowed in our house?
The above comment was posted by Mrs. B. I am going to answer her questions here so everyone can see them.

1) Yes, the government is involved in your life. You have a ton of people traipsing through your house monthly. You have to document all areas of life. If the child gets hurt you have to document it. If the child is sick you have to document it. They will decide what is best for the child as far as medical care and mental health. If they want to drug your child you cant stop them. Some workers are laid back and easy going. They know children fall down, they know children get angry when they get in trouble. Other workers question your every move. You get used to it..and remember you KEEP your SENSE OF HUMOR! They do let you make a lot of decisions regarding the child but they have the power to veto your decisions.

2) This has happened. You just PRAY! You give the child as much of yourself as you can before he is sent back and as much of God's love as you dole out. Then you send up a prayer everytime you think of the little one and move on taking care of the ones still with you.

3)Yes, every child in foster care is on mind altering drugs. Or at least it seems that way. There was even an article in a newspaper about it once. Right now out of my five only one is on ADHD drugs. As soon as she is mine we will be getting her off of the drugs. She does not need them she is an 8 year old girl who has a lot of energy and creativity. A lot of the children just have never been given discipline or boundaries. If you stay consistent within one month you will see a completely different child. We did not have any experience either. We read our Bible, we prayed and we learned from experience. We are always getting compliments on our children.

4) The first thing they told us in class is you will have an accusation made against you. We have had a couple but have all been unfounded. Not even enough to warrant an investigation. The caseworkers know that kids will say and do anything to get their way. They are used to it. We are careful around the children, they know though that we love them and when they get in trouble its because we love them. You cannot spank foster children. Goodness knows some of them need it BUT you cant do it. The workers tend to side with foster parents more often than not. If your child has any sort of weird injury report it immediately to the case worker and write it all down. We have a little boy with us who wanted so desperatly to go back to his mom that he told anyone who would listen that we were banging his head on the table. After some more questions it was determined that he thought that if they took me to jail like his mommy he would get to go back to her. You definitely have to stay on your toes!

5) Im almost 27 and my DH is 33. Sometimes I dont think we have the stamina! Its tiring definitely but well worth it. You are given a questionnaire at the beginning and you can pick which behaviors you dont want, what ages you want, boys or girls or both, how many? You just match your abilities to a child. Probably I would say early elementary or preschool would be a good starting point for you guys..but then again since your home you could feasibly do babies. ???

6)See answer 5. Start with one or two and get comfortable there. If you can handle more add one more. If you are comfortable with one or two then stay with one or two. You get to say yes or no when placement call you.

7)AHH! My favorite part of the whole process. Some birth parents you grow to love others you want to strangle. The main thing is you can choose how much involvement personally you have with them. Some of my children's birth parents I have never met. One I like a lot and one just gets on my last nerves. This is where your sense of humor comes in... AGAIN!

8)We are strong Christians. The children in your home can be raised according to your beliefs. They can attend church with you and are required to abide by your house rules. We have a house rule about television. Our workers think its crazy but they respect it. Our little girls wear dresses most of the time though we dont require it...we do encourage it. Our biggest change was our eight year old. She finally decided she was not going to "die" without 24/7 television.


There are limitations to how you can raise the children and what you can do. Its frustrating sometimes but it just forces you to rely on God. He has made me quiet creative. :)

The Realities of Being A Fosterparent.

Ok first of all I love being a foster parent. I love having a housefull of children. The system stinks and I know that...believe me... I KNOW that. Sometimes they take children who should not be taken. Sometimes they leave children when they should be taken. Sometimes they give parents too many chances. Sometimes they dont give parents enough chances. The children who have come into our home have come because or abuse, neglect, unsafe home conditions, and one because mom would not get rid of the boyfriend. I have had one little guy in my care for 1.5 years. He has been in care for two years. He came in at 6 months old. Do the math and you know Im his mommy, hubby is his daddy. End of story. We are supposed to start termination of parental rights with him next week. It could take one day for the judge to sign the order and then a 30 day appeal process. It could take one month to years! His mom has done nothing to try to get him back this year. It should not take this long. I have three little girls that we will soon be adopting.They have been in care for 3 years. Their mother took off about a year ago and never came back. It still took 6 months to get her rights terminated. I had two little girls with me for awhile. Sweet as could be. When they came into care with thier two month old baby brother they were severly neglected. When CPS picked the children up there was no food in the house and the baby had tea in his bottle. The children were in our care for one month, the baby was at another foster home we did not have room. They were sent to live with grandparents even though CPS said that the grandparents were at the house and knew the state the children lived in and did not recommended the relative placement. Six months later the baby now 9 months old had not gained any weight and the girls were also showing failure to thrive. They are back in the system and probably going up for adoption. Oh, how I long for a fifteen passanger van. Thats the only thing stopping me from making the call. They will probably be seperated for adoption. Not many people will take three children. All this transpired over a year. I had a little boy for awhile who was one of four. His older brother was five and could not talk, ate everything in sight, and could not sleep in a bed. He had to sleep on the floor. His older sister was three. She'd been run over by a truck at 18 months of age and had none of the surgeries she needed that could have saved her sight, allowed her to have a normal mouth full of teethe, or straightened bones that would help her grow. CPS put all of the children back with the mother ( they were taken from her ex husband) even though she left them in a dangerous enviroment and obviously medically neglected her daughter. They left the three year old in care in a medical foster home so she could continue medical treatments.
"How do you do it?" Im always asked this question. I do it because... well because somebody has to. I do it with a sense of humor. Do any of the stories above make you laugh? NOPE. But there are things in the day to day life of dealing with the system that you learn to laugh at. Its not funny when a child hordes food, but you laugh when you see the imaginative places they have hidden it. Its not funny when the biological mother of a child complains to you about the baby snatchers coming to her house and how she did nothing wrong even though the child came into your home covered in bruises or other emotional scars that you cant just kiss away, but you have to laugh the way she is whining to you. She obviously thinks you are going to believe she is the victim! Is it funny when a bio misses her third court appearence because she is "sick". No, but you learn to laugh when the General Magistrate looks around the room and says, "Well thats convienient. Make sure we send her a get well card!" So you learn to laugh. Unfortunatly, you learn to make some new friends. Other foster parents who will laugh with you because otherwise people are going to think you are strange. :) We laugh, we pray and we hope. Thats our secret.
I have done a lot of posts on being a foster parent. I want other people to be foster parents. Especially Christians. I want people to love these children unconditionally. I dont want to think I have to save them all. I want to think that there are others out there like me who just want to win the lottery so they can buy a couple of busses and a big house with a lot of land. I decided to give you guys reality here.
I wanted you to know that sometimes they will call you at 10:30pm to take a child for a day or two, leave him with you for a month, and then one day out of the blue call and say you have half an hour to get him ready because he is going home. Your husband and your children in school wont even be able to tell him goodbye. You wont be able to understand why, despite the horror stories you have heard from his worker, his Guardian Ad Litem, and his assesment worker, he is going back to the hell he came from.
I want you to know that sometimes they will come and take the sweetest little blond curly headed girl home only to put her back in care six months later with a haunted look in her eyes, that was not there when she left your house.
I want you to know that you will have some workers who care more about getting their papers signed than about listening to your concerns or answering questions about the children.
I want you to know that it is worth every hassle you go through. Every scream of fustration that leaves your mouth. Every tear you cry! There is nothing in life quiet as fufilling as to know that you could be the love and support and encouragement that a child might never have had. That you can be a child's safe harbor even if only for a little while. To teach a child the Jesus loves him and will never leave him is a gift in and of itself. To teach that to a child that will find himself alone and hurting again and again..is a miracle.
Thank you God for giving me this privalege!

Fosterparents.com is the best place for resources on how you can become a foster parent that I have found. I will add some more foster parent links after I go through my files to see what I have.

The Government and Your Children

Over at Crystal's place they are having a discussion about parental rights and the government. A lot of this was based on the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals decision earlier. Somehow (and I was not responsible for this!!) :) we got on the subject of the government taking children from their parents. I dont have time to go into much detail. But Mrs. B left me a comment under an earlier post asking for some info. If you scroll through my archives there are quiet a few entries on my life as a foster parent but I will definatly post some more and will give you some info Mrs. B. Meanwhile if you have not checked out the post from Crystal and all the comments go ahead and head over there now. It is scary to think of how easy it is for someone to accuse you of abuse. This Old School House magazine had an article in their last edition about what to do if CPS comes to your house. Scary! I will be back later tonight or tomorrow to post more in depth on this.

On a lighter note with all of the children home today due to illness we settled down to watch Loves Enduring Promise. The second movie based on the Love Comes Softly series of books by Janette Oke. I love these books and plan to own them some day but for now the library has to be content to let me check them out ALL the time. :) I definatly like the books more than the movies but enjoyed watching the movies as well. I just wanted to say my eight year old cried and cried at the end of the movie. Of course this made the five year old cry. When I asked the five year old why she was crying she said it was because her sister was crying. It was sweet. I love that I have little girls that will cry when they watch movies. I was gonna bust out some Little House On the Prarie movies next but think instead we may watch the first couple of Anne of Green Gables movies.

Ok Im off to wash some more dishes. The sink is not completly fixed yet but we can use it! YIPEE!

A whole lotta nothing....

Ok so I have been MIA these past few days. Do you realize I can get ready for a weekend trip in about two hours but it takes me like three days to recover from one?! Where is the logic? I finally have caught up on laundry and the house is..well its presentable. :) The children are almost down from their highs. I think we are almost all caught up on sleep. My four year old little guy slept from about 5pm last night til I woke him up at 8am this morning. He slept right through dinner and everything. He got a little extra cereal this morning. :)
We have officially turned in our application to become an adoptive home. Now we wait!
My mom just finished classes to be a Guardian Ad Litem. This is someone whose sole purpose is to advocate for the foster children. The advice I have given her is to try to get her visits done before 5:30pm (when all the GALs seem to converge on my house!) and to never think she can go into a room with a child and shut the door. I believe I blogged about this once. I was furious. I understand they have to take time to talk to the children..and I dont mind if they go in their rooms but do not shut the door! She has agreed. I think she will be a great GAL.
I am going to be posting my schedules next week on the appropriate day. I will also tell what worked with the schedule and what did not. Of course I will have to revise my schedule when I bring the girls home from school after the adoption.
As for the great weigh-in....I have lost 2 pounds. Thats even with going to Disney last weekend and having to eat in the park TWICE! This week I am working hard to hit my five pound mark. (I get a book mark!)
Ok so now that I have written about a whole lot of nothing I guess I will go! Im heading over to my mom's house and we are going to sew up some skirts for the girls.

Checking In

Hi to all. Wanted to check in. Here is what is going on at our happy home!

I joined Weight Watchers with my mom on Wed. I will not tell you what my weight is but I will tell you that my goal weight is between 135 and 145. I am hoping to be between 20 and 25 pounds thinner by the first of the year. I will keep you all informed.

A has a court date on October 18. Not sure what this one is for but I think it is just a preliminary to the actual Termination of Parental Rights hearing. I believe at this hearing she will be given the option of voluntarily signing over her rights. Should be interesting if nothing else.

This weekend we are going to Disney World. I am so excited. My mom is taking us. Hubby and I are paying for the hotel room (which mom actually got a really good deal on a three bedroom condo!). I have not been to Disney in a few years and I am looking forward to experiening it through my children's eyes. Of course my sweet Princess girl is all in a tither about seeing Cinderella's castle. :)

The girls' adoption seems to be on track. We are supposed to get a call for an adoption homestudy any day now. Please keep praying we can get this all finalized by Christmas. Im so anxious! :)

Ok I guess I better finish dinner. If you dont hear from me again before this weekend, I will overload you with news of our trip next week.

Updates

Ok I will try to blog for real later but for now here are updates on our children.

A our 2 year old who has been with us for a year and a half had a court hearing today. Its his two year review which means he has been in care for two years now. I found out yesterday that they were changing his goal from reunification to adoption. Well his mother did not show up for court due to some "medical problems". The worker thinks and I agree that she forgot about court today, found out yesterday when our worker talked to her, and was not able to get a ride on such short notice. She and A's father claim they cant afford bus tickets BUT they do smoke a pack a day.. Hmm! Anyways court has been rescheduled for Oct 4. We are hoping to get a trial date for termination of parental rights on this day.

Our girls KA, KE, and T are already on the adoption hit list. The worker told us the other day she wants to have it finalized by Christmas. I would be ecstatic. She has already sent in to get our adoptive license I just have to finish the application.

And last but never least is 4 year old C his mom is actually doing her case plan and has reached midpoint. We are excited because that means in probably six months or less he will be going home. I really like his mom and believe that she will do right by him. She also asked if after all this was over if she could visit our church. I told her absolutly. If I knew her boyfriend better I might invite them out now but because I dont feel comfortable with him I have to keep a low profile.

Well those are the updates on my little family. Please remember all the impending court dates and adoptions in your prayers.

My home beautification project hit a speed bump this week as I came down with an awful cold. Im doped up on DayQuil right now just to get through the basics and make sure I can go get my girls from school. :)

Ok love to you all! More later.

Clarification

DO you not believe that children will get hugs or be told that they are loved in non-christian homes??? that seems a bit narrow minded. i am just going on what you wrote here!!! Anon.


I guess I could have clarified more. I apologize. What I really meant was we need homes which will raise up children to know God's love. That will demonstrate God's love through the love in thier homes. We also need homes where these children will get hugs and be told "I love you". I say again this is not the norm in some foster homes. I have seen children shipped from one home to the next because they broke a rule. They stiffen when you hug them because they have no idea why you are touching them. I have seen children that the very first time you say I love you to them they immediatly parrot it back and then dance around the house singing it because...they have never heard it. My ideal is that all foster homes would be Christian homes so these children could find the love of Jesus and that I dont apologize for but there are some really great non-Christian foster homes too.

Foster Parent Questions

Wow I love comments especially when they involve questions... especially when they involve questions about my children! I love talking about my babies! So Mina I will attempt to answer all of your questions!

How many kids of your own do you have and how many foster kids? All the children I have right now (5) are foster children. We should begin the adoption process on our three girls sometime next month and then it could take MONTHS to finish it. As far as children of our own we pray everyday that God would open my womb. We have faith that He one day will... kinda funny story. The state of Florida says you can only have five children in your home as a foster parent. (Sometimes they make exceptions as you saw) Hubby and I were discussing it one day and wondering maybe if we were not supposed to adopt our five children from the state and then God would give us our own biological children. We know we would love to have a big family so we are kinda wondering if that is God's plan because like I said before we both firmly believe that the day will come when I have my own baby.

How do you give the foster kids the sense of stability/permenancy that they deserve and need even though they and you know they will be moving on again? PRAYER! The minute the child comes through our door we pray pray pray over them. Claim them as our own and cover them with protection. One thing you dont know is what kind of evil these children have attached to them. We just start at the beginning and pray it all off of them. No we dont wail and scream and shake the child. We simply hold him and claim him as our own. My husband claims fatherhood over the child which puts him in the spiritual leader seat. We believe that as long as that child is with us God recognizes us as his parents. We also have a policy that we will keep the child until they go back to thier parents. NO matter how difficult. Now of course we would have to reevaluate this policy if a child entered our home who was a threat to any other children already in our care. We also accept each child as our own for however long he is here. We take them on trips, to family outings, out to eat... whatever we are doing. Now this might sound like common sense but believe it or not some foster children spend more time away from thier foster family then they do with them.

How long do you typically have foster kids? Well in the year and 3 months we have been doing this we have had our 2 year old for one year and 3 months. We had two little girls from Labor day til the middle of October. We have had our two girls since the middle of October. We got a little boy the Friday before Mother's day and he is still here probably will be til after the first of the year. We got another two year old right before the fourth of July and he went home this week. We got our other little girl in the middle of July and will be adopting her. So out of 8 children so far we have only had three leave us and they were only here for about a month.

Do they get along well with your own kids? We dont have children of our own but I will tell you I am amazed at how well all the different children get along. They basically behave like siblings. Fighting one minute defending to the death the next. They are all rather bossy but seem to handle each other well.

How do you assure that your own kids' needs are met while meeting the special challenges associated with many foster kids? Honestly, we have not had hardly any special challenges. I believe that prayer has kept us from some of the tragic stories you hear about these foster children. Believe me when I say all of these children in my home right now have every right to be bitter, resentful, distrustful.. but they are not. They are happy well adjusted little people. Just like anyone else's children. They get into trouble like other's children as well. They are by no means perfect but I have not seen any behavior that is not typical for another child thier age. I have had someone at almost every agency we have worked with remark that my children do not resemble typical foster children. All I can tell you is that God is the authority over our children. We establish that day one by giving the child to God. We also use consistantcy. Consistant love, consistant discipline, consistant expectations. The children THRIVE on consistency. Its like I tell most people about my eight year old who is my biggest challange to date behavior wise... she has had eight year of inconsistant harsh discipline. With one month of consistant loving discipline I alread see changes in her. Such as true repentance when she does wrong and a heart seeking after God.

I love being a mommy no matter whose children they are. All of my children but one call me mommy and the one who doesnt came from a very loving home where his mom made some mistakes. God gives us strength patience and perserverance when we think we cant take one more step. We are so blessed to be the parents to these children and if we had our way we would NEVER stop fostering. I hope I answered all of your questions. I hope others would feel free to ask questions about fostering. There is a lot of stuff not understood. One thing is sure though we need good solid Christian homes to foster. Too many times these children are put in a godless home where they are given the basics but do not get hugs and I love yous. One goal I have for each child in my care is that they leave my home knowing the words to Jesus Loves Me. If they can sing that song then they can understand that they are never alone and that Jesus always loves them.

A Blank Page and Foster Children

A brand new month. I love the first day.... the first day of the year, the first day of the month, the first day of the week. I dont know it just seems that the first day is a blank page waiting to be filled. I have been trying to steer my blog towards daily happenings in our lives but once in awhile I will get this "need" to vent or to kind of share things Im thinking about. My sweet man reads all of my entries before they are ever posted and if he has any concerns he vetos them. No problem. Im not trying to be a younger woman "teaching" but I do believe by sharing somethings that I can encourage other women.
Im working on something in my head about the way the "world" sneaks into our churches and establishes itself. Its another soapbox topic and I just want to warn you ahead of time. Hubby and I have been discussing it and he asked me to write about it so I will!
Now I have been so excited the last few weeks. I knew I had about 4 readers of my blog but lately new people have been popping in with comments or emails. Keep 'em coming girls it so encouraging!
Here is a question from Anna:
I would love to know how you and your husband got involved in adopting foster kids.
Anna, when we first started the foster care process we had to take foster/adopt classes. The classes were the same for everyone. We did not go into this to just adopt because you can get a wider range of kids if you start out fostering. Of course adoptive foster parents have more of a chance of actually getting children placed with them that are either already at the stage of TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) or very close to it. With being foster parents first we generally have to wait for TPR and even deal with the children going back to their Biological parents. We went in knowing this and deciding that if God would grant us any of these children we would take them. My mom gets a little perturbed when we tell her that another child in our home will be going up for adoption. She has told me many times that I cant adopt them all... not sure why though! :) The three girls we will be adopting came to us in the middle of trying to get TPRd. They'd been in states care for a year and a half and mom had left the state. I have one little guy right now who was taken at 6 months of age. The next 6 months of his life were spent in two-three different foster homes. Then at one year of age he came to me and has been with me ever since. He will be 2.5 in October and will have been in care for 2 years (with me for 1.5 years). Supposedly if a child has been in care for 18 months out of 22 months he is to be placed for permanancy (basically TPR or send him back) this is almost never the case as the state bends over backwards to give children back to thier bios. Understandable Im sure but if a mom cant do what the state has asked her to do after two years... well.. that should be the end of it. She obviously does not really care about getting her child back. Its a hard road but we love the children and really feel as if we are doing what God has called us to do. As far as birth order.. the classes suggest you take no children older than your oldest biological child. A lot of people only take children younger than their youngest. We did not have this problem as we had no children of our own but now we have to be a little more careful taking placements. So far the only birth order problem we have found is when we got our other two year old a few weeks ago our two year old A had many problems adjusting! He just flat did not like E and made sure he knew it by hitting, snatching, biting, pushing and yelling at him.
I hope this answers your question. If I can be of any more help please let me know! That goes for anyone who has any questions about foster care. We need good Christian homes to raise up these children and at least give them a foundation.

Around the house:
I got my MOTH book today. I have been reading through it and it is almost exactly like Candy's binder system. I am so impressed. Way to go Candy!
I was going to make baked potatoes for dinner tonight because hubby left for work not feeling well and I thought he would probably not eat with us tonight. Well he surprised me with a renewed appetite this evening. Fortunatly I had some frozen Country Fried steak on hand that only took about 20 minutes to cook. I threw them in with the baked potatoes and we were good to go.
I want to start making bread everyday. I have been reading some books about how the people lived in the "olden" days and noticed that they made bread everyday and had it with every meal. I also read somewhere that if you serve bread with every meal that your family fills up faster. Im willing to try it and see.
Other than that we are just trying to get ready for school to start. I can believe its almost time!
Ok Im off to bed. Just wanted to check in on this the first day of August!