Best Resource...EVER!!!

You will want to send me chocolates or sweet poetry when I share what I just found.

Go here and see it quickly. I'm in LOVE!

Hat Tip: Mrs. Clarice at Storybook Woods

P.S. If you already know about this awesome resource you can still send me chocolate and poetry. :)

I posted this, November 11, 2005. We adopted our little boy, his brother and the three sisters in April of 2006. To date this is my absolute favorite post about being a foster parent. Its real. I can still feel these emotions every time I read the post. Recently I found out every child in my care that went back to their "loving" homes is now back in the system. Four little children, all with brothers and sisters in other homes, back in the system. Four children the Lord chose to send me, but not let me keep. Believe me I would have kept ever last one of them. For the time they were with me, they were my babies and I guess in a way they always will be.

Ok first of all I love being a foster parent. I love having a house full of children.

The system stinks and I know that...believe me... I KNOW that. Sometimes they take children who should not be taken. Sometimes they leave children when they should be taken. Sometimes they give parents too many chances. Sometimes they don't give parents enough chances.

The children who have come into our home have come because or abuse, neglect, unsafe home conditions, and one because mom would not get rid of the boyfriend.

I have had one little guy in my care for 1.5 years. He has been in care for two years. He came in at 6 months old. Do the math and you know I'm his mommy, hubby is his daddy. End of story. We are supposed to start termination of parental rights with him next week. It could take one day for the judge to sign the order and then a 30 day appeal process. It could take one month to years! His mom has done nothing to try to get him back this year. It should not take this long.

I have three little girls that we will soon be adopting.They have been in care for 3 years. Their mother took off about a year ago and never came back. It still took 6 months to get her rights terminated.

I had two little girls with me for awhile. Sweet as could be. When they came into care with their two month old baby brother they were severely neglected. When CPS picked the children up there was no food in the house and the baby had tea in his bottle. The children were in our care for one month, the baby was at another foster home we did not have room. They were sent to live with grandparents even though CPS said that the grandparents were at the house and knew the state the children lived in and did not recommended the relative placement. Six months later the baby now 9 months old had not gained any weight and the girls were also showing failure to thrive. They are back in the system and probably going up for adoption. Oh, how I long for a fifteen passenger van. That's the only thing stopping me from making the call. They will probably be separated for adoption. Not many people will take three children. All this transpired over a year.

I had a little boy for awhile who was one of four. His older brother was five and could not talk, ate everything in sight, and could not sleep in a bed. He had to sleep on the floor. His older sister was three. She'd been run over by a truck at 18 months of age and had none of the surgeries she needed that could have saved her sight, allowed her to have a normal mouth full of teethe, or straightened bones that would help her grow. CPS put all of the children back with the mother ( they were taken from her ex husband) even though she left them in a dangerous environment and obviously medically neglected her daughter. They left the three year old in care in a medical foster home so she could continue medical treatments.

"How do you do it?" I'm always asked this question. I do it because... well because somebody has to. I do it with a sense of humor. Do any of the stories above make you laugh? NOPE. But there are things in the day to day life of dealing with the system that you learn to laugh at.

Its not funny when a child hordes food, but you laugh when you see the imaginative places they have hidden it.

Its not funny when the biological mother of a child complains to you about the baby snatchers coming to her house and how she did nothing wrong even though the child came into your home covered in bruises or other emotional scars that you cant just kiss away, but you have to laugh the way she is whining to you. She obviously thinks you are going to believe she is the victim!

Is it funny when a bio misses her third court appearance because she is "sick". No, but you learn to laugh when the General Magistrate looks around the room and says, "Well that's convenient. Make sure we send her a get well card!"

So you learn to laugh. Unfortunately, you learn to make some new friends. Other foster parents who will laugh with you because otherwise people are going to think you are strange. :) We laugh, we pray and we hope. That's our secret.

I have done a lot of posts on being a foster parent. I want other people to be foster parents. Especially Christians. I want people to love these children unconditionally. I don't want to think I have to save them all. I want to think that there are others out there like me who just want to win the lottery so they can buy a couple of buses and a big house with a lot of land.

I decided to give you guys reality here. I wanted you to know that sometimes they will call you at 10:30pm to take a child for a day or two, leave him with you for a month, and then one day out of the blue call and say you have half an hour to get him ready because he is going home. Your husband and your children in school wont even be able to tell him goodbye. You wont be able to understand why, despite the horror stories you have heard from his worker, his Guardian Ad Litem, and his assessment worker, he is going back to the hell he came from.

I want you to know that sometimes they will come and take the sweetest little blond curly headed girl home only to put her back in care six months later with a haunted look in her eyes, that was not there when she left your house.

I want you to know that you will have some workers who care more about getting their papers signed than about listening to your concerns or answering questions about the children.

I want you to know that it is worth every hassle you go through. Every scream of frustration that leaves your mouth. Every tear you cry! There is nothing in life quiet as fulfilling as to know that you could be the love and support and encouragement that a child might never have had. That you can be a child's safe harbor even if only for a little while.

To teach a child the Jesus loves him and will never leave him is a gift in and of itself. To teach that to a child that will find himself alone and hurting again and again..is a miracle. Thank you God for giving me this privilege!

Fosterparents.com is the best place for resources on how you can become a foster parent that I have found. I will add some more foster parent links after I go through my files to see what I have.

History and Science

Why oh why can't I seem to get History and Science down???
I received Biblioplan in the mail and I think I will like it but we can't start it until we get the spine book. For us it will either be Usborne Internet Linked Encyclopedia of World History and/or Story of The World Volume 1. Want to hear something hilarious (not really) I thought I would not need SOTW and gave it and my activity book away to a friend. Her daughter loves it so there is no way I can ask for it back.
*Banging Head Ferociously* I might not buy the textbook just the CD this time. I do think I will look into getting the activity book again though. I thought I'd already ordered the Usborne book, but I have not. I have to wait until Thursday or Friday to get it.
As for science I still have not purchased anything to use there. I know (I think) what I want, but I have to buy a little at a time. I'm going to start with the DVDs I mentioned in this post. Then I will start purchasing the books.
I really should have been in our second year history and science cycle.
Should I even discuss Latin????? We are on Chapter 2 in Prima Latina. We technically "started" it 4 or 5 months ago.
Same with Bible. I have not even started it.
I know why. I'm starved for time right now. I plan on blogging about it soon, but there are raw spots I'm not ready to pick at right now.
I'm sorry if I have seemed whiny and depressed lately. Its my season for it I guess. I think it helps sometimes to see the grungier side of homeschool life. I know something I struggle with is keeping up with the "Ubers", you know the uber homeschool family. LOL.
Oh well the baby is ready to go night night whether he thinks so or not. :)

Fosterparent Q and A

This post is from August 27, 2005. Someone left me a comment with the following questions and I answered them to the best of my ability.

Enjoy!

I have tried to make this pretty, but for some reason blogger does not want to cooperate. Im sorry for the way it looks.

How many kids of your own do you have and how many foster kids?

All the children I have right now (5) are foster children. We should begin the adoption process on our three girls sometime next month and then it could take MONTHS to finish it. As far as children of our own we pray everyday that God would open my womb. We have faith that He one day will... kinda funny story. The state of Florida says you can only have five children in your home as a foster parent. (Sometimes they make exceptions as you saw) Hubby and I were discussing it one day and wondering maybe if we were not supposed to adopt our five children from the state and then God would give us our own biological children. We know we would love to have a big family so we are kinda wondering if that is God's plan because like I said before we both firmly believe that the day will come when I have my own baby.

How do you give the foster kids the sense of stability/permenancy that they deserve and need even though they and you know they will be moving on again?

PRAYER! The minute the child comes through our door we pray pray pray over them. Claim them as our own and cover them with protection. One thing you dont know is what kind of evil these children have attached to them. We just start at the beginning and pray it all off of them. No we dont wail and scream and shake the child. We simply hold him and claim him as our own. My husband claims fatherhood over the child which puts him in the spiritual leader seat. We believe that as long as that child is with us God recognizes us as his parents. We also have a policy that we will keep the child until they go back to thier parents. NO matter how difficult. Now of course we would have to reevaluate this policy if a child entered our home who was a threat to any other children already in our care. We also accept each child as our own for however long he is here. We take them on trips, to family outings, out to eat... whatever we are doing. Now this might sound like common sense but believe it or not some foster children spend more time away from thier foster family then they do with them.

How long do you typically have foster kids?

Well in the year and 3 months we have been doing this we have had our 2 year old for one year and 3 months. We had two little girls from Labor day til the middle of October. We have had our two girls since the middle of October. We got a little boy the Friday before Mother's day and he is still here probably will be til after the first of the year. We got another two year old right before the fourth of July and he went home this week. We got our other little girl in the middle of July and will be adopting her. So out of 8 children so far we have only had three leave us and they were only here for about a month.

Do they get along well with your own kids?

We dont have children of our own but I will tell you I am amazed at how well all the different children get along. They basically behave like siblings. Fighting one minute defending to the death the next. They are all rather bossy but seem to handle each other well.

How do you assure that your own kids' needs are met while meeting the special challenges associated with many foster kids?

Honestly, we have not had hardly any special challenges. I believe that prayer has kept us from some of the tragic stories you hear about these foster children. Believe me when I say all of these children in my home right now have every right to be bitter, resentful, distrustful.. but they are not. They are happy well adjusted little people. Just like anyone else's children. They get into trouble like other's children as well. They are by no means perfect but I have not seen any behavior that is not typical for another child thier age. I have had someone at almost every agency we have worked with remark that my children do not resembe typical foster children. All I can tell you is that God is the authority over our children. We establish that day one by giving the child to God. We also use consistantcy. Consistant love, consistant discipline, consistant expectations. The children THRIVE on consistency. Its like I tell most people about my eight year old who is my biggest challange to date behavior wise... she has had eight year of inconsistant harsh discipline. With one month of consistant loving discipline I alread see changes in her. Such as true repentance when she does wrong and a heart seeking after God.I love being a mommy no matter whose children they are. All of my children but one call me mommy and the one who doesnt came from a very loving home where his mom made some mistakes.

God gives us strength patience and perserverance when we think we cant take one more step. We are so blessed to be the parents to these children and if we had our way we would NEVER stop fostering. I hope I answered all of your questions. I hope others would feel free to ask questions about fostering. There is a lot of stuff not understood. One thing is sure though we need good solid Christian homes to foster. Too many times these children are put in a godless home where they are given the basics but do not get hugs and I love yous. One goal I have for each child in my care is that they leave my home knowing the words to Jesus Loves Me. If they can sing that song then they can understand that they are never alone and that Jesus always loves them.

A Snippet.

A snippet of a post from August 5, 2005 answering a question about fostercare.

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I would love to know how you and your husband got involved in adopting foster kids.

Anna, when we first started the foster care process we had to take foster/adopt classes. The classes were the same for everyone. We did not go into this to just adopt because you can get a wider range of kids if you start out fostering. Of course adoptive foster parents have more of a chance of actually getting children placed with them that are either already at the stage of TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) or very close to it. With being foster parents first we generally have to wait for TPR and even deal with the children going back to their Biological parents. We went in knowing this and deciding that if God would grant us any of these children we would take them. My mom gets a little perturbed when we tell her that another child in our home will be going up for adoption. She has told me many times that I cant adopt them all... not sure why though! :) The three girls we will be adopting came to us in the middle of trying to get TPRd. They'd been in states care for a year and a half and mom had left the state. I have one little guy right now who was taken at 6 months of age. The next 6 months of his life were spent in two-three different foster homes. Then at one year of age he came to me and has been with me ever since. He will be 2.5 in October and will have been in care for 2 years (with me for 1.5 years). Supposedly if a child has been in care for 18 months out of 22 months he is to be placed for permanancy (basically TPR or send him back) this is almost never the case as the state bends over backwards to give children back to thier bios. Understandable Im sure but if a mom cant do what the state has asked her to do after two years... well.. that should be the end of it. She obviously does not really care about getting her child back. Its a hard road but we love the children and really feel as if we are doing what God has called us to do. As far as birth order.. the classes suggest you take no children older than your oldest biological child. A lot of people only take children younger than their youngest. We did not have this problem as we had no children of our own but now we have to be a little more careful taking placements. So far the only birth order problem we have found is when we got our other two year old a few weeks ago our two year old A had many problems adjusting! He just flat did not like E and made sure he knew it by hitting, snatching, biting, pushing and yelling at him.I hope this answers your question. If I can be of any more help please let me know! That goes for anyone who has any questions about foster care. We need good Christian homes to raise up these children and at least give them a foundation.

I Am A Wife and Mother

Here is a post from Feb 2005. I had just started blogging. This details some of the beginning of our foster care journey.

I am a wife to a wonderful godly man. We met on the internet at ChristianMatchmaker.com about 6 years ago next month. We have been married for four years. He is my Mr. Steady and I love him for it. About two and a half years ago I decided I wanted to be a foster parent. He grinned and agreed. My Mr. Steady. We worked on paperwork and classes and homestudies for about 4 months and we were ready to go. Unfortunatly due to high turnover at the agency, lost paperwork, privitization, and just plain incompetance it took us a year and a half to get licensed. The day after we got licensed we got a little boy. He was 13 months old when we got him, he is now 22 months old. He has blond hair and blue eyes and because of confidentiality I will have to call him A on the blog. He is so smart and happy and friendly. We could not have asked for a better child. We almost got to adopt him but things happen and now his parents are working on their case plan. They still have about 6 months - a year to go so you never know what will happen. We might still get to adopt him. Its all in God's hands. In September of 2004 we got two little girls. They were sisters, 1 and 2. The one year old had little blond curls and was always smiling and wanting to be held. She was an angel. The 2 year old had brown hair and the most amazing blue eyes. She was so very very smart it was amazing. They went to live with their grandparents in October. The day they left I called placement and said I needed them to fill the two beds that were just vacated. Sure enough I got a phone call for three little girls. I could only take two so they brought me the younger two. K is 4 almost 5 and has blond hair (almost frosted looking the kind people pay good money for) she is so incredibly beautiful. T is 3 years old and has light brown hair and blue eyes and a smile that would knock you down. She is so cute! Their sister K is 7 almost 8 and has brown hair and dark brown eyes. She is so pretty. She lives in a different foster home right now because we dont have room in our car for her. We are praying daily for a minivan. The girls will probably go up for adoption sometime this year we so would like to adopt them but have not even mentioned it because we have not been able to move the older girl over yet. They will have to be adopted together. I would not have it any other way. I tell you all that because I want you to know how happy I am. Since I was 4 years old I always knew I wanted a lot of children. I think when I was 11 I decided 10 would be a good number. I always knew I wanted to marry my prince charming and on December 15, 2000 I did. I desperately want a baby of my own to hold but God has not blessed us there yet. He has however given me many children and I believe the promise of many more. I love being a wife and mommy but I always have to remember that first I am a child of God. You see my God is a jealous God (Exodus 20:5) He wants me to put NOTHING ahead of Him. I have to remember that as I rush around in the morning forgetting prayer and Bible reading. My husband can not come before God and neither can my precious precious children. Another thing I need to remember, and I learned this before I even got married, my husband is number 2! Not my children. Not my friends. Not my church. Not my family. And most assuredly not myself. I heeded the teaching of older wiser women in the Lord who chastened me to always put my husband before my children. You see one day your children will be grown and gone and you will still be looking across the dinner table at the man you married. Don't let that man be a stranger. The Bible tells us that woman was made for her husband (1 Corinthians 11:9). Not for her children. Please dont neglect your children. God does not want that either. Titus 2:4 tells us we are to love our children. But neither should you neglect your husband for your children. Im trying to think of an example and I asked Prince Charming, "What is something I do to make you feel like you are a higher priority than the children?" His response, "Everything you do." Any doubt why I love this man?? :) Ok here is a small one. Say your child asks to have spaghetti for dinner and hubby asks for meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, and fresh baked bread. You would rather cook one pot spaghetti! Come on admit it...... ;) But you should cook the BIG meal hubby wants. Its just the right thing to do. But do have spaghetti one night soon for your child. My third priority is my children. Those three little angels who sometimes try every bit of patience I have. Last week in particular seemed to be a trying week. Because we are foster parents we have people in and out of our house all the time to see the children. The house was a wreck, the baby was sick, and I was on the phone with the girl's Guardians Ad Litem ( two of the sweetest people in the world) who wanted to come out and visit. So K and I ran around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get at least the living room and the foyer looking decent. We did and I even had time to sit down and breathe before they came. Everything went great. The baby and I had many issues this past week though. He was sick and very whiny and wanted to be held. Now here is something about me that a lot of people might not know, when we take those spiritual gifts tests I always come in lowest on M-E-R-C-Y. My little guy obviously did not know that. For his safety and my sanity he spent a lot of time sleeping while he was sick... :) Im not a completly awful mommy I did hold him a lot but when I just could not take it anymore he ended up in bed where he promptly went to sleep. So it was all good. I believe that being a mommy is a special calling. I always feel like I am somehow missing something and striving to be a better mother. I know that I know that I know that I want my little ones to have a spiritual foundation and I strive every day to bring that about. They are fascinated with God and Jesus and enjoy just sitting down and flipping through their Bibles. The girls enjoy looking at the Bible so much they each got their very own for Christmas. We have nightly Bible reading and prayer as a family and the girls are in the Cubbies program with AWANA and we go over the Bible stories in thier Cubby books every morning. I have also found a Protestant catechism that I want to start the 4 year old girl and possible my three year old girl on. I also do the majority of the discipline since I am home all day with them. Prince Charming has delegated this duty to me and I strive to do a good job so that he can always trust in me. (Proverbs 31:11) I have a verse printed on my heart and when I look at my children I whisper this verse to myself. 3 John 1:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. This is what I desire for my children. That they walk in truth. Well that is a little about me and my family. I hope that you will tell me about your families and what you are doing. I am always looking for wisdom for my role as a wife and a mother

Im an adoptive mom.

I have been thinking about something off and on lately. I will gladly tell anyone that Im an adoptive mom. I think its even mentioned in my profile. I was wondering the other day if it sounds like bragging. I dont want it to. You see, I share that Im an adoptive mom because I want to encourage others. Our road was long and hard. I like to say I was in labor for 3 long years. However, it was worth ever miserable step. It was worth every delay. It was worth every time someone said to me, "wait". I want desperatly to do it all again. I willingly and openly tell people our adoption story because I want them to see God's hand in everything. My children and I talk about it at times and I tell them what a great testimony they have to share. I want them to be excited about adoption. My three girls talk all the time about the kids they want to adopt when they grow up. They know their momma hopes to add to our family again through adoption. I wish more Christians would take up the task.
I dont claim the title of adoptive mom proudly. I claim it humbly. I know that God was the author of the whole thing. I know I had nothing to do but be His willing servant. But I do claim the title. I claim it boldly. I claim it loudly. I claim it for all to hear and to be willing to come forth with questions.
In the next few days I will be reposting some of the blogs I put up about our adoption/fostcare experience. I hope to spark an interest in some that will lead to good homes for these lost children.

Be Blessed.